Today I had the awesome opportunity to hang with my little nephew, Lincoln.
Today I had the opportunity to spend the afternoon being a baby rocking, pot roast making, cupcake baking momma (and Aunty!)
Today I got to see Joshua treasuring the roll of big kid. He was good at it - helpful, nurturing, proud, loving, obedient, protective.
Take a look -
It was a sweet, precious day.
And as it comes to a close, I am humbly thankful.
You see, I have been talking to God a lot lately about how much I miss having the time to be the kind of mom I want to be. I long to bake cookies, play toys, scrub floors, read books. I long to be at home more, fully engaged and less rushed. Working as much as I do is not my first choice. Yet it seems the choice He desires.
I struggle with that.
I want to serve Him.
Or do I?
Do I really want to follow, be thankful, and live a life that points to His desires - not MINE?
No.
I don't.
My flesh hates it. I want to throw a fit. I want to do things MY way.
But I am called to follow His way.
And more than I desire to take control, throw a fit, and carve my own path - I WANT TO FOLLOW HIM.
That is so very hard sometimes. Especially in the times that His way does not seem to make as much sense as my way.
This is the conversation I have been having with God lately. I have been pouring out both my desire for my life - more time at home, less work, more kids - that I can care for myself, more rest, more peace, less chaos and driving. I have also been telling Him that I truly want my life to glorify Him in all things. I will serve where He calls me. I will work as unto Him, always. I will choose thanks. I will choose joy. I will choose trust. Even if that means I continue to serve as is forever.
(As I say all this know, I am far from miserable in life. While I would like to be home more, in all honesty full time. I am also so very thankful to serve at both of my jobs. I know God has placed me in both jobs. I am also thankful for both the financial provision and the flexibility that both jobs allow. There are not many jobs in which I could bring my nephew to a staff meeting. I am thankful! Truly.)
The result of this conversation with God has been small gifts. A nap AND the time/energy to make homemade cookies on Sunday, an afternoon of "mommying" today. Small gifts, not a whole lifestyle change, but small gifts that fill my heart with joy and hope.
Thank you God for granting the desire of my heart. Help me to have a heart that seeks and follows Your will ALWAYS.
