Now, this does not mean I love him more than my husband or other children. Love is amazing that way. Love multiplies like nothing else. Just when you think you could not possibly love more, you can. I love each member of my family with an intensity that takes my breathe away. Yet, while that love is equally intense, it is not the same for each of my loved ones. Just as each member of our family is completely unique, my love for them is as well. Love truly never ceases or fails - God's love that is. It is THE most amazing gift God has given us. And I do my best to replicate His love as I love my incredible family.
I am certain that the reason the wait for Joshua was so unbearable is that during every other important wait I have endured I knew the one I was waiting on was OK. Or, I at least felt like I was doing all I could to make sure they were OK. While I waited to meet our belly babies, I heard their heartbeats, I went to the doctor, I ate well, I exercised, I could feel the baby kicking, wiggling, and hiccuping. Waiting to meet them was hard mostly because I do not wait well! Waiting for Joshua Gebeyehu was hard because I knew he was alone. I doubted he was eating as well he would at home. I doubted he was loved as I longed to love him. I knew that while he was surviving, he was not OK.
As Johnny Carr says in his book Orphan Justice (A post about this book is coming soon. While I am still digesting it, it is the most heart-changing book I have read in the last two years. Buy it!), "Man made orphanages for children, but God made the family for children. God never intended for one child to live in an orphanage." and "Orphanages are not inherently evil, but let's be honest. A child never enters an orphanage under good circumstances, and an orphanage can never replace a family."
I have never, ever, ever felt more relief in my entire life than I felt on June 6, 2010, the day that my mom, Krissy, JOSHUA, and I walked off a plane in Bismarck, ND and into the arms of the rest of our family. Knowing we were home, safe and together, forever was the best feeling ever. EVER!
This is my favorite photo from that day, because when I was finally off all the planes with our small son on my hip, wrapped in Chad's arms I could breathe again. Our family was together at last.
Every time I look at it I think, "A father to the fatherless" and I start to tear up.
I am so blessed to be married to this man.
It is both hard and easy to realize that this moment happened three years ago today! Hard because time flies when you are having fun, and being a mom and wife is way more fun than I ever could have imagined. Easy because, well, JGCD has changed so much. It is truly a work of God.
In many ways, June 6 is Joshua's birthday. It is the day our family was united in the flesh, just as much as the moment/day we were first held our oldest kids. We call it his family day, and every year I want to celebrate in a special way.
This year. . . well, I worked. I had had big plans for today. I thought we would get a hotel room and swim and order pizza. Joshua loves to swim and pizza is by far his favorite food. It has rained for weeks and swimming has not happened yet this summer, so my plan seemed perfect. That is until I looked at the calendar and realized that June 6 was a Thursday. Thursday is my loooong day at work. I work both jobs on Thursday, and I had committed to working late at church - so a pool party would just not be possible.
So, I did the American thing. I asked Joshua if he wanted to have a pool party another date, or if he wanted me to buy him the scooter he had been eyeing instead.
My American Ethiopian son, chose the scooter.
Funny thing is that was OK.
Three years into this he does not need a fun family moment to feel special, connected, and loved.
He just knows he is.
Three years into this, coming with mommy to work and handing out popcorn to the "little" kids is a connecting event.
It was OK. Not the dreamy day that I had planned in my head, but OK.
Tonight as I tucked him in, he asked, "Mommy, what is an orphan?"
(Gulp)
I explained that an orphan is a child who does not have a mom or a dad.
Then he asked why his Ethiopia mom died and why his Ethiopia dad could not take care of him and why. . .
It was the most detailed and potentially difficult conversation we have had.
It was also the best.
I love that he asks - because I know he wonders.
I love that he trusts me enough to question.
I love the peace that God fills me with when I answer to the best of my ability.
I love that after the questions are answered (for the moment) we can pray together. We can thank God that although there is much sadness, He can fix it.
I love that after the hardest conversation we have ever had, my son fell asleep on my chest before I could finish singing him the silly Amharic English song I desperately made up on our very first night together more than three years ago.
And then, as he slept on my chest, I whispered a prayer of thanks. "Thank you God that you have not created Joshua with a spirit of fear, but with a spirit of sonship."
That prayer is the very same verse/prayer I have claimed for our son for the past three years, except that tonight it was a deep rich prayer of gratitude and thanks rather than a hope and a promise for his future.
Redemption is an amazing thing. I am in awe, truly, of the redemtion He has allowed me to witness.
Thank you Jesus. Thank you.
