It was a dreamy day for some.
For others, it was not.
I am not an athlete. I actually avoid competition as much as is humanly possible. As I have watched my kids compete, I have realized I avoid competition because I fear failure. I like safety. I like feeling sure I will succeed before I even attempt something. In academics, generally speaking, if I study hard enough I will succeed. A broken bone, bad weather, or a case of the flu does not interfere too much in test taking and paper writing. So, I tend to stick to that stuff.
Athletes, well, you all have to have great courage. You have to be willing to give your all - your heart, body, and mind. You have to be willing to risk injury, accidents, mind-games, wind resistance, and all other sorts of uncontrollable variables. You choose to lay it all on the line, leave it all on the track or court or course or field. . .
That amazes me.
It also inspires me.
I live much of my life as an academic. (At least as my definition of an academic.) I take calculated risks - carefully calculated risks. . . only. I think and think and think, making sure I only proceed IF my success seems certain. Which, is safe, BUT it is also incredibly stifling at times.
I am realizing that I want to live like an athlete. (Again by my definition, that is.) I want to live with abandon - except that the idea terrifies me. It is totally foreign territory, and although there is a part of me that feels FREE at the thought, the larger part of me is simply terrified.
And then I think of my son.
My son who trains diligently every. single. day. My son who never misses a practice, even at 6 am. My son who has raced PR after PR. My son who has also "hit the wall" mid-race. My son who has worked through a back injury, shin splints, and a strained knee WHILE practicing every day. My son who has chosen to persevere even when faced with adversity.
I watched my son race today. It was the biggest race of his young life, the 2013 State High School Championships. He (and I) had high hopes. He had done the training. He had faced several obstacles. Now, it was time to reap the rewards.
But. . . things didn't click. It was not the race of his dreams. It was not the race of the team's dreams. It was, instead, a rough day.
And still I learn through him.
You see, as I think through ALL of his training, ALL of his sacrifice, ALL that he left on the course today. I see NOTHING wasted. Even though the result was not what he had hoped, I see success. I see gain.
I see courage.
I see character.
I see strength.
I see honor.
I see boldness.
I see perseverance.
I see friendship.
I see pain. Now, I HATE seeing my kids in pain. HATE it. Yet the only way to avoid this pain is to NEVER try. If he had never tried, I would not see the courage, the character, the strength, the honor, the boldness, the perseverance, the friendship. If he had kept things safe, as his mom tends to, he would have missed so much more than he gained. Even though today stunk, the benefits STILL outweighed the risks.
I know this sounds like a pep-talk to my boy. However, it is more than that, it is a pep-talk to myself. I am slowly realizing that the safe life that I love to live is filled with holes.
My tall son loves the verse Philippians 4:13.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength"
I have been thinking about that verse a lot during this season of my life.
We tend to cling onto that verse. If we are really honest, what we want it to say is "I will always succeed because Christ gives me his super powers."
However when we look into the context, that is not what is being conveyed at all.
Here is a bit more of that passage from Philippians.
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
God's Provision
10 I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. 11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
There is a lot more in this passage than "super powers."
Paul (the author of Philippians) is actually saying that he has been through it all. He has been hungry and full. He has been in danger and safe. He has "won races" and "hit the wall." Through ALL of those circumstances, he has learned that he could do ALL things through him/Christ who strengthens.
It is not about a super-power.
It is not about knowing God is with you because you feel strong.
It IS about learning that you can survive every situation because God/Christ will give you enough strength to get through it. It IS about taking risks, for him, and trusting that He will give you the strength to get through the day. It is in the risks that we learn the most.
But, boy oh boy, do I hate taking risks!
Perhaps that means I hate depending on the Lord's strength?
I am praying through all of this as I discern what God would like to do in and through me. I am most certainly a work in progress. . .
I am thankful today for my son. My son who is willing to take risks, willing to run the race, willing to "hit a wall," willing to learn just what it means to do all things through Christ who gives him strength.
Today was harder than some - but even in the hard (or perhaps especially in the hard) Christ IS strengthening.
Thank you, Jamison, for the courage you are teaching me to strive towards.
I am proud of you, my son. You inspire me.
