Less than 90 days until baby "Raja" is due.
And I feel happy.
Truly and very completely blessed.
Minus my still sore tailbone (which is not baby girl's fault), I feel physically awesome. As for my tailbone. . . well, it is improving. It still hurts and is physically limiting, but not nearly so bad as it was. I am thankful.
Baby girl continues to grow. Her kicks become stronger. Yet she is a gentle mover. She quiets immediately when a hand is placed over her. Some of her siblings were crazy kickers. Chad used to ask me to roll over in bed if my belly touched him when I was expecting Sierra. She kicked so hard, she would wake him up! Not this peanut. She seems serene. Time will tell if her momma is correct.
I have fallen in love with a name for her. But. . . I have never named our kids - that has always come from Chad. So, time will tell if the name I am suggesting sticks.
This month I started buying baby gear. My closet is overflowing. I purchased a bouncy chair, carseat/stroller, play gym, a couple of blankets, some onesies, and a couple more outfits. I also ordered her bedding. So - I DO have a plan for her room!
Before she arrives I still plan to buy a crib, paint a dresser, and buy a sling/carrier of some sort. Krissy has promised to sew a couple of receiving blankets and a small stack of burp cloths. And that is it - the rest we will pick up as we know her and she is ready for it! The great thing about having teens along with little ones is that the teen stuff makes baby stuff seem cheap!
We also need to do some fairly major construction. The storage room needs to be transformed into a smaller storage space, plus a bedroom for Joshua. Which means a closet and wall will need to be framed and sheetrocked. The entire space will need to be taped, textured, primed and painted. The windows will need to be stained, varnished, and trimmed. Carpet will need to be ordered and installed. Baseboards, doors, etc. . . will go in. And finally Joshua will move upstairs. I would really like him to be sleeping upstairs by Valentine's Day. That way he has a month to get settled before the baby takes over his current room.
The room prep for the baby will be much simpler. A little primer and paint is about all it will take. I am OK with completing her room after she arrives - but if it works to have it all done before she makes her appearance, that would be great.
Chad and I made a big decision this last week. I had been really hoping to stay home with baby girl. Really hoping. But in light of all the health care hoopla, and considering the fact that we DO have 6 kiddos - I will be returning to my jobs after a 12 week maternity leave at the church. I will need to work for Chad throughout that leave though. I am cognitively peaceful with this decision. It is safest and wisest. However, I am also emotionally devastated. Leaving my kids is THE hardest thing I am ever asked to do. It is funny how things work sometimes. I know mom's who feel called to be at home that envy me getting out of the house. I, on the other hand, grieve the time I have to be separated from my littles deeply. I am working hard at grieving the loss of this dream. I do not want to spend the last 3 months of this pregnancy sad. I also refuse to spend my 12 weeks at home with her an emotional mess. So - that means I need to choose my thoughts and emotions carefully. I must choose to be thankful for the flexibility, financial security, and health care benefits my job offers our family. I must choose to trust and believe that God has a plan for my life and my baby girl. I vow to serve Him with thankfulness rather than grudgingly.
Also - please be praying that we would find child care that fills my heart with peace and hope.
God continues to remind me that His lesson to me in this pregnancy is that I can hope in Him. He is THE source of hope. I have struggled with "hoping" with trusting my dreams to Him in the last couple of years. I have found my self expecting rugs to be pulled out from under my feet rather than trusting Him to hold me up. In many, many ways, He has whispered HOPE into my soul throughout these precious months of pregnancy. It has been a beautiful, renewing, and reassuring time.
A couple of weeks ago, I read this verse,
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13
As I read it, I knew. It is our verse - baby Raja's and mine - THE one that He is calling me towards during this precious season. And so, even though every detail is not working out as I had wished, I choose to trust in Him. To trust in Him to fill me with joy and peace. To trust in Him to work out every detail. To trust in Him that He may fill me to overflowing with hope by the power of His spirit.
It really is a beautiful picture. We call this baby "Raja" which means hope. As she grows, I am literally being filled to overflowing with "hope." And eventually this hope will become too large to contain. She will be born, filling our home with the hope that is unique to a tiny infant. You are a gift, my daughter. I am so thankful for the hope you have brought alive in my entire being.
Here are Brenna's photos of her baby sister at 6 months.
