Other times, well, He feels waaaaaaayyyyyyy distant.
Following Him is a choice. Sometimes it is the obvious one, others it more like groping in the dark, but it is ALWAYS the right one.
For much of the last year, following has been a daily, hourly, moment by moment choice. It has not been natural. It has not been easy. It has not been obvious. But, it has been RIGHT.
I have sought the Lord, chased after Him, wrestled with Him. questioned Him, pleaded with Him, apologized to Him, thanked Him, etc... while rarely hearing from Him.
My soul has been more or less silent.
I live a noisy life. Silence does not feel right. At all.
And still I have sought the Lord, chased after Him, wrestled with Him. questioned Him, pleaded with Him, apologized to Him, thanked Him, etc... while rarely hearing from Him.
There was a bit of a pattern forming. . . (ugh!)
until last week.
Last week I heard this verse on the radio:
"My Word (the Lord's) that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but it will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
Isaiah 55:11
and I thought, "That's nice."
It went in n one ear and out the other.
Then in church on Sunday, the worship leader used this same verse.
Twice.
(What is it with hearing something 3 times?!???)
And my soul leaped.
LEAPED.
LEAPED!!!!
It was like God zapped me with a shock collar and said, "Hello! Are you listening? I am trying to tell you something! My word. . . you know all those words from my book that you have taught, read, and prayed over your kids. They are never wasted. Your life has NOT been a waste. I have heard. Your kids have heard. And in MY time, those words will germinate. My word will never return void. Never. Don't give up."
Thank you, Jesus.
If that were not enough, as I was sharing these thoughts with Sierra after church, she chose to share something equally profound and encouraging with me.
She confided that on her way out of the youth service last Wednesday an adult leader, with whom she had never spoken, approached her and asked, "Do you have an older sister?"
"Um.... yeah?" she replied.
"Are things rough?"
"Umhmm"
"Could I pray for you."
"That would be good." Sierra answered. And the woman preceded to pray for the older sister, Sierra, and the parents.
You have no idea just how huge that is to me. Sierra and Krissy are really struggling. And it wrecks me. I understand it. They are in such different places. They are both so very passionate. They have each thrown stones. They are both wounded. And those wounds are growing infected. It grieves my momma heart like few other things. It is horrible. Two people I love so incredibly much hurting each other hurts me.
I have spoken about it to God a lot.
What do I do, Lord? How can I fix it? Should I be silent or speak? How do I not choose sides? How can I bridge the cap? Help me, please Jesus! I do not want this tension to be permanent.
Knowing that the Lord cares so much about my girls that He encouraged a stranger to pray for them is so humbling and so encouraging. He cares for me.
He really, truly cares for me.
