I have had such an incredible time watching Jamison race these last four seasons at CHS. I have seen him grow in so many ways. So. Many. Ways. I could not be more proud of him.
This season, he has been totally solid. He has run every race with wisdom and control. He has been a good team captain and teammate. It has been so very good.
But I do confess, I have been praying for more.
I have been praying for him to run with joy and abandon.
It was not that I was longing for him to place better or have a faster time. It was more that, just once, I wanted to see him risk it all, leave his heart on the course, throw caution to the wind, and have a blast. (Not that there is anything fun about racing your guts out in the moment - ha!)
Friday, our family hosted the team's pre-meet spaghetti dinner. As I was preparing our home, jamming to worship music, and praying that God would use our home as a place of refuge and encouragement that evening, I felt the Lord asking me to pray for the team before we eat. That does not happen at these dinners - at least it has never happened when we have hosted in the past. "Really, Lord?" I asked. And in my spirit I felt Him encouraging me to not just pray for the meal - but to pray for the race. To pray boldly and to ask Him for success.
Success?
That is not the way I typically pray.
Hmmmm.
I kept praying and cleaning and jamming to my tunes, and I kept feeling more and more sure that I was supposed to do this.
It scared me.
I do not like to rock the boat.
Plus, if I prayed for success, what if God did not come through and it hindered someone's faith. Thankfully, my prayer of "God I believe. Help my unbelief" quickly squelched that fear. Ohhhhh! Trust is hard sometimes, but I KNOW that God is always victorious. Always. No matter what it looks like to my human eyes and heart.
So, I decided I would obey.
I emailed coach with my request.
He called me. . . right away.
And cautioned that it was "probably" OK if I prayed - but I should be careful to not be too religious. He apologized for the comment, but let's face it, we live in a time in which we are beginning to have fewer and fewer rights as Christians. His goal was to protect me, and the team, from any possible "crud."
I hung up feeling confused.
How do I proceed? How do I please God, while also showing respect to the coach? I know I serve Jesus first. . . but. . .
I finally threw up my hands and just asked the Lord to give me words. His words. Not mine.
I introduced the prayer that evening by explaining to the guys that in our home we pray before meals, and I would like them to join us in that tradition if they felt comfortable. But if they did not, I was totally fine with that.
And then I prayed.
I'm honestly not sure what I said.
I do remember thanking God for their abilities. Asking Him to allow them to race with joy, strength and courage. Asking for success. PR's. And an end to the season in which they will never look back with "I wishes". In His name. For His glory.
Let's eat!
(Along with my thought of, did I do OK Lord? Was that what You wanted?)
The evening was busy. I slept well. Morning came early. Chaos soon ensued.
Just as we were leaving town, Joshua claimed he was too sick to travel. He was sure he was going to puke. So we scrambled. Chad took the little kids home, and Sierra and I drove to the race.
Jamison's race was first.
And I was totally calm. Peaceful.
I'm usually nervous. Excited. Fidgety.
Not Saturday. Saturday I was just oddly calm. I was not sure how to feel about that. . . and commented to Sierra about it several times.
We were standing a ways down course when the gun went off, but I knew it was going to be some race from the first glimpse I got of my son. His position in the pack was different than usual. And his stride said, "I've got this."
Sierra and I ran to another spot to cheer and waited.
Those waits seem endless.
As he approached, he had that same stride and gleam in his eye. And he was positioned farther still in front that usual. We were so excited.
We sprinted to another spot to cheer some more.
And he was not slowing down, but creeping up!
He looked strong, courageous, and joyful. Not to mention fast.
We were so stinking excited, and yep teary.
We moved yet again, and again.
Every time we saw him, he was moving forward. He was strong. Confident. Joyful. Running with more heart than I have ever seen before.
By the end, I was crying too hard to take nice pictures. My tears were not about his success as much as they were about my complete admiration at the way he raced. He left his heart on that course. And it was beautiful and so very inspiring.
Brenna had her own race to run later in the meet - but she joined Sierra and I to cheer for the first half of the race.
Jamison finished this race in 7th place.
He was ranked 13th.
Sierra and I both had tears as we walked to find him at the finish.
And when we congratulated him, his first comment was, "Thanks! That felt terrible!" along with a cough and a laugh and a huge sweaty grin, dimples and all.
Isn't that a metaphor for life?
Taking a HUGE risk, putting not just our best effort, but our very HEART on the line, feels terrible. BUT the reward is so very great.
The top 20 finishers were recognized post race as All Conference Runners.
CHS had 6 boys finish in the top 20. All four of the team's senior athletes went All Conference. As a team they finished second.
And. . .
their coach received the award for the WDA Coach of the Year.
I snapped this photo of the 4 Seniors walking away from their last WDA meet.
Sigh.
Sigh.
It has been such a great ride.
I also snatched a photo of the 6 All Conference runners.
It was an amazing day.
The state meet looms ahead in two weeks. It will be his last official High School race. And rather than sad, I am totally excited. In my heart, Jamison has fulfilled his role as a CHS cross country runner, and he has fulfilled it well. There is nothing to lose at this meet. It is all joy and no regret. I WILL miss these days - but I so look forward to the next phase. At last, it (this ending) sits as a gift rather than a loss in my heart. Will I cry? Probably. Especially if he races well. When an athlete puts both skill and heart on the line, it often causes me to weep. But they will be tears of inspiration and admiration NOT tears of grief or sadness.
Woah! Even mom's grow up eventually! (Ha!)
PLUS, I have Brenna's cross country career to anticipate!
You see Miss Brenna ran at WDA as well!
While Brenna was not in the front pack as she raced this year, she was not discouraged. She ended the season feeling proud of her progress and excited about the sport. She says she will be trying again next year!
I am so proud of her.
Sierra loves post race pictures. She jokes that the sweaty runners make her look good. Ha!
PS - Joshua was fine. Grrrrrrr! After a HUGE meal his tummy was fixed. Chad missed all this for nothing. BOO!
PPS - It took me days to write this post. I debated and debated over the section on prayer. You see, I never want it to seem that God is some sort of celestial genie and if you say right words, He will grant your request. The truth is that while Jamison had one of the best races of his career and his team as a whole had an amazing day, one of his best friends and teammates did not achieve his goals. He had a tough race, and he "deserved" to run much better than he did. I do not know how, when, or why God grants our requests. I do know that He is always faithful, and that He uses every bit of our life - even (perhaps especially) the hard moments. I will always remember this race and the way He stretched me and the way He answered. His graciousness is something I want to hide in my heart forever. Additionally, it is my prayer that He will use this as only He can, to deepen the faith of my son and His teammates. To Him be the glory, always and forever.
