It has been a hard week. One of Jamison's high school classmates and friends died in a tragic hunting accident. While this news would always hit me hard, at this point in my life, it was so very personal. I miss having daily contact with Jamison so very much. So Very Much. And yet this momma will never again have contact with her son, this side of heaven. It just wrecks me.
Plus, because I had not seen Jamison face to face, I didn't really know how he was doing in the after math of this tragedy. It is the first peer that my kids have lost. There is something intense about someone your own age dying.
Plus, the little kids were missing Jay. Mataya had refused to talk to him since he moved into the dorm. On the brief occasions she had been around him, she would not go near him. She told me, "I mad at him. He go 'way!" And Joshua had lost his wrestling partner. For an eight year old boy, that is a huge loss.
Soooooo, when Jamison showed up at about 3:00 this afternoon, I was so grateful. For four and a half hours, we chatted. For the first time since he moved out, I feel like I know a bit about his life again.
He played with the little kids. Mataya was ALL over him. Begging in silly toddler fashion, "Jay don't get me! Jay don't tickle me! Jay! Jamison, Jayyy-missss-sssonnn don't chase me! Jamison don't get me with your beard!!!" for his attention. And he lavished it on her. Chasing and hugging and tickling and playing.
When Joshua walked in from school, Jamison jumped off the couch and greeted him in a wrestler's stance.
We had supper together. I did his laundry. Sierra and Jay chatted in the kitchen while I cleaned up supper. Normal felt soooo good.
My heart is so much more relaxed this evening. A couple of big hugs and a few hours with my son made me feel so much better. He really is doing well. I saw it in his eyes.
Confession - I really did not expect to miss him this much! I truly am OK. I don't walking around crying all the time. I am functioning quite well - BUT there is this constant tension in my heart wondering how he is, missing the daily mundane moments of his life. Krissy has always stopped home every couple of days, so this is all new to me. I had no idea how pathetic I would be! I even roll my eyes at myself sometimes!
