We made some big changes this fall.
School has always been a delicate issue for Joshua. Learning, at least the most traditional form of learning, has never interested him. He has never wanted to color or scribble or write or read books. He HAS, and he CAN - but it does not bring him joy. Joshua craves movement and exploration. He craves intimacy, individuality, and freedom.
I can not even explain to you how incredible his 2nd teacher at our public school was last year. She understood him. She did all she could to structure lessons that would appeal to him. She was absolutely, positively incredible. As was the Principal at the school. But the reality is that with 20 students in a classroom combined with all the emphasis that is currently placed on standardized test scores in American education, there is only so much adapting that is truly possible.
Joshua ended the school year feeling defeated. We all watched as his self-worth disappeared. He started the school year saying he wanted to take over his dad's business some day. He ended the year thinking that maybe he could be a laborer for his dad because anything else would be too hard for him. To watch a 9 year old compress his dreams is heartbreaking.
I knew we needed to make some changes - but I was totally unsure what those changes should be.
I worked with Joshua a lot this summer on school stuff. I learned tons about how he works and thinks, but he VERY most important thing I learned is that he always tries his hardest. He carefully disguises this with detached behavior, but deep inside, he is doing his best. That changed everything for me. Knowing he was trying, knowing how incredibly intelligent he is, AND knowing that academically things are just not completely clicking sent me on a crazy momma mission. (When I say things were not clicking that means a few things to me. First, he was not thriving. His spirit was broken. Second, although his test scores are not horrible low (he did not qualify for any special services), his school performance does not match what we know his intelligence is.)
Additionally, his school-related anxiety was incredibly high. At the end of the summer, I took him to a reading specialist/OT to be evaluated. When she explained to him some of the things that they would be doing and he felt the school-testing vibe, he wrapped his arms around my neck, closed his eyes, and regressed to a point I have not seen in nearly six years. It broke my heart. It also made me realize just how much pain that school was causing.
Soooooo, I started praying more specifically, texting friends, asking experts, setting up meetings, and researching like crazy because I knew we had to make some sort of change.
I very nearly began homeschooling. (And that still may happen one day) However, Joshua has worked so hard on trust issues that we were concerned that homeschooling would put him back a few steps in that regard. Also, the way he needs to be taught - less structure and more exploration - is not how I am wired. While I fully believe that God could and would enable me to teach my son the way he needs, in this situation, He opened another door.
A tiny, private school, The Innovation School, opened this fall. It is trying education in a different way. Their sign says, "Value something different: projects, passions, peers, play." The only school supply they require is an Ipad. The environment is much like a home. There are only five children in Joshua's group, although they could have up to 12 as enrollment increases. Each child has their own lessons and expectations - made to fit their interests and learning styles. It is completely, totally different than ANYTHING we have ever experienced.
That fact both thrills and terrifies me. I like tried and true. I like traditional, structured, and clearly measurable results. That feels safe to me. BUT, this is not about me. That form of education was draining the very life out of my son.
So, we are doing something new. He is coming home bubbling with life. He talks a mile a minute for HOURS about experiments and explorations. He is HAPPY to go to school the next day. I see his walls of insecurity and inferiority relaxing. He is feeling validated, known, important, and capable.
Do I have any nagging concerns? Yep! I have all sorts of worries. Exploration is great - but he also needs to read and write well. He needs to have the math skills to pay his bills. He will have to enter "the real world" some day. Will he be prepared? Can he really learn and have fun?
However, the momma AND educator in me KNOWS that unless he has his basic need to be who he was created to be met, learning is impossible. So, we jumped in. We are setting this precious boy free to learn in the way he was created to learn. And watching him slowly come alive is a very precious gift.
Joshua has taught me so much, about so many things. This is his back to school picture. When he is feeling unsure, taking a photo brings him back to really hard places. Starting a new school was scary, so he was not up being in a first day of picture. SO this is the photo we took to commemorate Joshua's start of third grade! While it is sometimes hard for me to not have the "normal" keepsake photo, when we drove up to his school and he saw families posing their children for pictures Joshua's response of, "Thanks mom! I could NOT deal with that today!" His gratitude was an awesome reward.
If you look closely you will see that is picture really does symbolize many of the things that are different this year. We have to pack lunch every day. He does not need a backpack, just an IPad. This photo is snapped by the back door, rather than the front door, because the bus does not go to his new school, momma drives. That list, combined with tuition (gulp!) are big changes, people. They are sacrifices made by momma and daddy Dietrich, in many ways, but so very worth it!
If you would like to check out his new school, here is the link. I am excited to watch both our son and this school develop throughout the coming year.
