Less than a month! (25 days to be exact - but who is counting)
I have honestly been in a bit of a panic these last weeks. I have so enjoyed being pregnant that I have, perhaps, not done enough planning for baby to actually arrive. I am feeling a bit unprepared. Loose ends seem to be everywhere, and I HATE loose ends. A partially finished project causes me more stress than one not started.
BUT - partially complete is just where we stand right now.
Baby's room is painted. . . but the crib hardware was not shipped with the crib. UGH! Until the crib is put together the room can not be completed.
I do have her dresser painted. It turned out so cute.
I do have her clothes, blankets, and bedding washed and waiting.
Diapers and wipes are neatly stacked in her closet.
Her bag for the hospital is packed.
And yet - the car seat, stroller, bouncy chair, etc are waiting to be assembled. Curtains are waiting to be hung. Bottles and pacifiers are yet to be sterilized. My breast pump is in the box stashed in baby's closet, but I have no idea how to use it. It has been a LONG time!
So, if she came tomorrow - we would be fine. I know that there is nothing on my list of partially finished tasks that is emergent in any way. But, I want them done just the same.
The ONE thing I forgot about pregnancy is the crazy compulsion to nest. I always like things the way I like them. My home tends to be organized and fairly neat and clean at all times - but I have learned to not sweat the small stuff (at least most of the time.) Add pregnancy hormones to the mix, and I have been struggling. My head knows that my to-do list is silly, but I am having a hard time convincing my emotions of that.
Poor Chad. He has worked so hard to get things done promptly. He was up before 7 am today with plans to put the crib together before church knowing just how happy it would make me. When the hardware was not there, he felt personally responsible for my irrational level of disappointment.
Truly the root of my pregnancy related stress is that this little peanut loves to be breech. She has been sitting heads-up and sassy for months. This week the doctor flipped her during an in-hospital procedure called a version. It was not something I was looking forward to. In fact, I was so paranoid that baby would be born as a result of this procedure that I stayed up late the night before and washed all her clothes and packed our bags. . . just in case.
In the end, things went very smoothly. The worst part of the procedure ended up being the failed IV. Flipping her was not comfortable - but it went quickly. I left the hospital totally relieved.
Until yesterday. . . I am 80% sure that this little diva flipped heads-up again yesterday. It is totally bumming me out. Hours spent at the hospital wasted. Plus, I really do not want a c-section. I know that is a bit silly and selfish. Many people have c-sections, and I am lucky to live in a place where I can safely and simply deliver a breech baby. Yet, I still hate the idea.
I do not like the idea of a needle in my back. I do not want my belly ripped open.
And more than anything, I do not want to have to sit in recovery instead of being with my baby. That is the part that makes me craziest. I have always been so spoiled. I have always been able to spend the first hours of our baby's lives snuggling up with them. Baths have been delayed, so baby can snuggle and nurse. With my last several babies, I have felt great after short labors and easy deliveries. I had even been showered and dressed within a couple hours of their birth.
Thoughts of a surgical room, prolonged soreness, and lists of limitations do not thrill me. Sending Chad to watch over our baby while he and the nurses care for her without me makes me really sad. Really sad.
I know. Get over yourself. People have c-sections all the time. It will be just fine.
Soooo, I am still hoping this baby decides to behave herself and flip. Only 3% of babies (according to google) do not flip by the time labor begins. I am keeping my fingers crossed and expecting good things. I will also put off plans for a scheduled c-section as long as possible.
I know there are many, many techniques for flipping a baby. Trust me, I have done the research. I think I have read them all. And I have decided that it is time to just chill out. I do not want to spend the next couple of weeks obsessing about this. I do not want to spend every spare minute in crazy positions, at the chiropractor, acupuncturist, or standing on my head in a pool. I need to just forget about it. While many things may work in different situations, what works in every situation is prayer. So - once again - this pregnancy is teaching me to simply trust in God's plan. He loves me and this baby more than I can comprehend. He is the ultimate physician. If she stays heads-up, I choose to trust that it is what is best for one or both of us. I am choosing to let go of it all and simply enjoy these last weeks of hiccups and kicks. I am choosing to hope for a natural delivery, while also mentally preparing for a c-section.
Either way, it will be OK. I am lucky because recovery wise there has never been a more convenient time to have a c-section. I have no little children to carry and chase. I have many family members big enough to take care of things that may be restricted. Either way, I am truly blessed.
This next week is CRAZY at work. The coming weekend will be FULL as well. All good stuff - but BUSY. After that, hopefully, life slows down. I should be able to rest, get ahead a bit, and prepare for my leave. . . I hope.
So, yep, as of today my brain is full. My to-do list is a bit overwhelming. Thankfully the vast majority of the tasks are exciting! And I guess I won't be bored during these last weeks of waiting!
Photography, once again, by Brenna Joy.
She is really hoping that by March 20, there is a baby in my arms rather than under my shirt!
I still expect this baby to be pokey, like her siblings. Chad is predicting early, though. Time will tell. Time will tell.
And - no. She still does not have a name. I think we have it narrowed down to three though.
One thing I know for sure is that I am SO, SO, SO, SO looking forward to my maternity leave!
12 glorious weeks of being a (mostly) stay-at-home mom again sounds like heaven.
As I reread this post it makes me laugh. It is a rambling mass of bouncing thoughts. It perfectly describes me right now. I am an excited mess, praying daily that the Lord will make His priorities known to my heart, quiet my racing mind, and direct each of my steps.
