Everyone was doing well.
The remodeling we need to do before baby was taking shape. The kids were all doing well - healthy, well-behaved, happy. Some exciting possibilities were coming to life in our business. Life was just clicking right along.
Jamison even donned a tie. There are few things better than a guy in a tie. Sigh.
And then it happened.
TEENAGERS!
Now, let me tell you that I realize we have very good teenagers. And I so appreciate that. I enjoy our kids immensely - but they are not perfect. (and neither am I!)
Last week, was a hard one. One crashed a car. Another made all sorts of silly decisions. Chad and I had to spend a lot of time praying, breathing deep, discerning, and deciding.
When to talk?
When to listen?
When to pass out consequences?
Which ones?
What is fair?
What will help our kids become responsible, humble, caring adults?
What will simply foster continued dependence and irresponsibility?
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Being a parent is perhaps my very favorite job description - after being Chad's wife - but it is HARD. For me the very hardest times are when I can see my children heading for trouble. I just know that their decisions will cause them pain, suffering, and regret - yet I have to take a step back and allow them to make their own mistakes. I can warn and advise - but then I have to LET GO and trust that only God can save them. Only He can change them, mold them, protect them. They are His.
That fact - THEY ARE HIS - is both the best news ever and the hardest thing to reconcile. I am so thankful that He, not I, am in control. I really am. And yet, I struggle to let go. My kids feel like "mine." Remembering to hand them back to their perfect Father does not always come naturally. Balancing the letting go and giving them back to Him with the hard work of parenting that He requires is a huge challenge.
Especially some weeks. . .
In the midst of teenage chaos this week, I was reminded of just how far Chad and I have come as a couple. I called Chad early one morning to deliver a bit of unwelcome news. It was not the first such call I placed during the week. We were both tired, weary at 7:30 am is not a great start to the day! Anyway, after I explained the situation, he took a deep breath, let it out and said, "Honey. I gotta tell you - I am not sure I even want any more kids!"
And I - at 35 weeks pregnant with our 6th child - laughed hysterically.
Where at one time I would have burst into tears, wondering why and how he could say such a thing, 20 years into this marriage - I just laughed. I SO get him. I SO love him. I SO trust him.
I am SO thankful to walk this crazy life with him.
Now - "Baby Sister who doesn't have a name" (as Joshua calls you), never read this and feel unwanted. You are most certainly wanted and welcome little one. Daddy and I, along with so many others, can hardly wait for you to come.
Instead, understand this - Daddy has a crazy, goofy, sense of humor. (I hope you do too. Mommy is far to serious most of the time!)
And, momma and daddy are far from rookies at this parenting thing. We know that adding you to our family will bring more joy, pride, celebration, laughter, and love than we could even comprehend right this moment. You are a treasure - as are each of your siblings. You will bring so much to our family.
We also know that along with all the joy - there will be tears, anger, misunderstanding, sleepless nights, sickness, frustration. EVERY SINGLE ONE of those HARD moments will be worth it.
You - and each of your siblings - are WORTHY of every tear, dollar, prayer, and scare. EVERY . SINGLE . ONE .
And sometimes, when things are just way too stressful, way too serious, way too overwhelming - laughter helps!
Thank you, God, for my crazy husband. Who worries with me. Prays with me. Listens to me. AND forces me to laugh - always!
Thank you for the gift of our children. Who worry me. Stretch me. Teach me. Impress me. Motivate me. Inspire me. Frustrate me. Help us to raise them with the perfect balance of letting go and entrusting them to You mixed with hard-core, hands-on, work-our-butts-off, and wear-our-knees-raw effort that every day brings glory to You.
