In about 8 weeks, my grandson is due to arrive.
(Pregnancy goes a lot faster when you are not the one experiencing it!)
As we wait for him, I have been nesting a bit.
Pictured above is the spot I have been preparing just for him. When Chad and I (and the kids) were building this house, one of the things that excited me was/is that the bedrooms are large. . . large enough to add cribs as the kids grow-up and start families of their own. Even as I painted, I dreamed of the day when my house would be filled to overflowing as our grown kids came home for vacations and holidays. I loved thinking of preparing special spots for each of the grandchildren to call their own.
So, this is his spot.
For now, it is crib. Decorated as his LaLa wishes. . . with soft sheets, the most precious of blue blankets, some tiny-one toys. Eventually, I will find a rocking chair for the corner. And then shortly after that his space will be transformed as we learn all that he likes. Will it be construction equipment? Farm animals? Race cars? Camo? Baseball?
Sunday morning Chad told me, "I am going to be the grandpa that takes him fishing and hunting and digging in the dirt! What kind of grandma do you want to be?"
In all reality, I have not given grandmothering very much thought. I am so entrenched in parenting, and I have be struggling with my worth as a parent so much, that the idea that I have a whole new role to figure out is totally overwhelming. But, it is approaching very rapidly! And when I choose to stop worrying about all the things I can do nothing about, the idea that I will soon have a grandson is really, truly precious.
After a bit of thought and a few tears, I told my handsome husband that I when I was growing up I "knew" I was my grandma's very favorite grandchild. I was sure of it, (though I knew she would never have said those words.) She made me feel like the most important thing in the universe when we were together. Our time was all about what I loved. She let me cook! She let me dust her living room. She read me books and made me popcorn. She found creative craft projects for us to do. She took me camping and hiking and swimming. She learned to make kneophla soup because she heard me say I liked it. She did not tolerate bad behavior. She let me dig though her purse. She prayed with and for me. She shared her heart with me.
As an adult, I realize that each of her grandchildren "knew" they were her favorite. She just had that special kind of focused love for each of us. She was a treasure.
And I hope to grandmother like she did.
I hope that each of my grandchildren "know" they are my very favorite. That they feel special, and treasured, and loved, and known when they are in my presence. I pray that LaLa's house is always a wonderful and fun and inviting place to be.
Know, sweet grandson, that your LaLa spends a few moments each day standing over your crib and praying for you. You are so very loved. Grandpa and I are looking forward to each moment we are allowed to have with you!
