Boo!
I adore my crew at home. I do NOT celebrate them heading back to the classroom.
I had expected this year's back to school transition to be simple since no one changes schools! Though a bit of back to school anxiety it completely natural, I had expected smooth sailing.
Until this morning. . .
Joshua had a total melt down at the thought of his open house. He burried his head into the couch pillows and announced that "he was NOT going, and I could NOT make him."
All before 8 am.
Sigh.
So first I listened to his worries. Then I tried to soothe them. He would have none of it. It was his way or no way. So. . . I told him until he was done complaining and threatening me, he needed to go to his room.
Five minutes later he came down with a plan that we both found most excellent.
I (again) assumed we would have smooth sailing.
Wrong.
We walked into his classroom, and his teacher greeted us with a smile and the news that before he left she would like to take his picture.
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Photos continue to be a trauma trigger for Joshua. Though he sometimes behaves like a stinker,many times photos truly trigger fear and sadness in our son. All those times he was forced to smile for pictures while holding up a card with his name on it while living in the orphanage caused deep feelings of fear, helplessness, loneliness, and who knows what else. I may have loved those pictures in the moment, but I have certainly regretted them since! They only hold memories of terror for my son.
Since it was not appropriate to share all that with his teacher in front of him today, I simply told her he hates photos and asked her to snap one with him hiding behind me...
Nope, not a bit awkward.
Let me be honest (and heartless) here. I was not in the mood for awkward today. I really wanted simple.
Wish denied.
Anyway. . . when we got to the car, I reminded Joshua that photos are necessary sometimes. We spoke honestly about why he feels the feelings he does. I reassured him that he is no longer alone. He has a mommy and daddy who love him like crazy. And we will do our very best to protect him. Always. Then we spoke about expectations. He was mad. He was pensive. As was I.
Later this evening, he asked me to take a photo and email it to his teacher. I did.
And I expected that the rest of the evening would be smooth sailing.
Until he threw a monster fit about taking a shower. . .
Sigh.
My evening is ending with an email to his teacher, trying to explain him without over-explaining him.
This is my attempt:
Hi Mrs. S,
It was fun to meet you today. Believe it or not, Joshua is usually a very social and outgoing child. Ha!
I wanted to explain a bit about Joshua and photos. Joshua was born in Ethiopia. His first years were very, very hard. We adopted him when he was 2.5. He was very delayed on every level - but his emotional stunting was probably the hardest for us to work through. At this point there are very few times when he struggles emotionally. Photos are one of his triggers.
When he was living in an orphanage (I hate that word in connection with my son), strangers visited often. They always took lots and lots of photos. He had no right to say "no." To this day, photos often cause him to freeze and hide. I believe they trigger the scared and unprotected feelings he had as an orphan. BUT - that does not mean it is not OK to take his photo. He is now in a place where he is capable of handling those feelings. We explain to him that there are times when everyone has to have their photo taken, and at those times, we expect him to be kind and polite. We also allow him to be in charge of whether or not photos are taken whenever possible.
When we got to the car, I reminded him that today was a time when photos needed to be taken. And I explained that although he may feel weird feelings, he is loved and protected and safe. He is big enough and strong enough to handle those feelings. I also told him that there will be times at school when photos are optional. He will often have the right to say, "please do not take my picture."
As you saw today, this is a skill we are working on. If you would help us by providing opportunities for him to say no, along with times that photos are part of his class expectations, we would appreciate it. There are times in which his response is bad behavior and other times in which fear just creeps in. In time, his trust in you will grow and your ability to read his reaction will as well. Today he was somewhere in the middle. He could have made the choice to be kind and polite - but he allowed fear and control to take over. After he and I visited, he asked me to send you a picture of him to use for the class project. I have attached it.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! I have learned so very much about childhood trauma in the years I have been parenting Joshua. I am no expert, but I am his best advocate. And - I have no "excuse" for his lack of interest in art projects and writing! He has a few quirks. . . like all kids. Typically. he is a very fun boy. We are so thankful that he is our son, imperfections and all!
I hope you have a wonderful first day of school! Thanks in advance for loving our boy as only his first grade teacher can. It will be an exciting year.
Alicia D
So.....
please be praying for my kids tomorrow. When it comes to transitions, anxiety is normal and there is no easy!
JG has chosen to ride the bus. Please pray that all is well in the morning. And that his day goes smoothly.
Brenna has not been feeling great today. Please pray for health and strength.
Sierra starts both school and a job tomorrow! Please pray for joy, energy, and peace.
Jamison has his first day of school and his first XC race of the season. Please pray for fun, speed, and focus.
Mataya and I will head to the office. Please pray for calm.
My prayer for my kids this school year has been that they see their year through a "for such a time as this" perspective and seek to serve God no matter what is thrown into their path. That is a BIG prayer. It is a good thing we serve a BIG God.
