I wrote some time ago about a battle I was having with fear.
It was ugly. My very soul seemed bent on fleeing. Terror was pressing, nearly suffocating me.
And you know what?
Although I KNOW that time of intense fear was not of the Lord, He used it.
He never, ever ceases to amaze me.
In those days of deep, encompassing anxiety - he began whispering to me.
Things like:
Why do you fear?
What is the worst thing that could happen?
Do you not know that even IF the very worst happened, I would be there?
I have my hand upon you.
I will protect you.
I will guide you.
And as I poured my heart and soul and fears out to Him. He listened.
And He pursued my very heart.
I began waking in the night with praise songs cycling through my mind. It was as if the angels were singing me back to sleep. Sigh.
And in the very deepest part of my being I felt it. . .
His approval.
HIS APPROVAL!
As a wife and mom, I hear a lot of things. But approval is not usually at the top of the list.
To hear Him speaking peace and love and approval unto my soul was so incredibly healing.
As was His message to stop striving. Stop worrying. Stop anticipating the future. Savor, He told me. Be still. Enjoy. Be confident - you ARE where I want you to be.
YOU ARE WHERE I WANT YOU TO BE!!!!!
It was when He whispered those words that I my soul felt set free.
I love my current work structure. Being set free to care for my family full time has been such a gift. (Technically I DO work for Chad. I am his employee. I have an office and specific responsibilities. It is definitely a job - but working for him is one of the many ways I care for him. It is probably not a job I would choose if I were not passionate about my boss, and yet because I AM passionate about my boss, being able to serve him at home and at work is a true blessing.)
I realized that I was living in deep fear that God would call me back into the workplace.
And some day He may.
And if He does, I hope I will serve with gladness.
BUT - I am beyond thankful for the peace He has given that for now, I am where He wants me to be.
Does that mean life will be easy?
NO!
Does that mean finances will never be tight?
Ummm. Nope.
However, because of this incredible peace He has given me, the hard is OK. I don't need to be striving or scheming or fixing or . . .
I can just be me.
Thank you, Jesus!
