My mind was racing from topic to topic. Wedding plans. Graduation plans. Work tasks that need attention. Finances. Parenting. Some hard needs of friends and family members. Some sticky relationship issues. Feelings of failure, doubt, loneliness. You know the drill. Middle of the night anxiety may have a different list of topics in your life, but no matter the topic list the overwhelming feelings are similar.
As my mind raced, I kept hearing bits of a song creep through. It was similar to when a radio is not quite in tune. I could hear a lot of static combined with a burst of song every now and again.
This chorus was what my heart was dying to hear.
"Breathe.
Just Breathe.
Come and rest at My feet."
It was surreal because although I knew the words, I listen to this song all of the time, I could not quite grasp them. A battle was taking place. A spiritual battle. To whom would I listen?
One voice shouted I was not enough.
The other whispered come and rest at My feet.
In the light of day the choice is obvious. But in those dark, quiet hours, that evil voice of failure and condemnation was so very convincing.
By 3:30 am I had had enough. I climbed out of bed and googled that chorus. Choosing to allow His voice volume.
What I did not know in those wee hours is that God was preparing me for a very difficult day. I had expected busy, busy busy. I had a work meeting to attend with both babies in tow. Brenna had a track meet, and the babies and I would go there as well. We would squeeze a nap time and some house work in the middle. What I did not expect is that I would also receive very tough news in regards to the health of several people I deeply love and admire. I did not expect this morning to have phrases like "hospice" and "quality of life" enter into my day.
But He knew.
And He loved me enough to battle for me in the middle of the night. He sang over me the very words I would need in order to survive this day. He prepared the way.
Yep, I am still shocked. I am sad and angry and frustrated and sooo not ready for any of this.
The pain is there - but the promise is, too.
I do not know what you faced today or what you will face tomorrow. I don't know what chaos and busy, busy, busy look like in your life - but I know you are dealing with some version of it. We all are.
In those moments that are too much, know there is a safe place.
Breathe. Just Breathe. Come and rest at His feet.
Collapse. Cry. Tantrum. Sob. Sleep. Do whatever you need to do.
And as you do, know that "chaos calls, but all you really need is to just breathe."
"Breathe"
Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Third cup of joe just to get me through the day
Want to make the most of time but I feel it slip away
I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see
That I only have time for me, me, me
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear you say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to take it in fill your lungs
The peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe
So let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best
Just breathe
Just breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Just breathe
It’s off to the races everybody out the door
I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life
Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can
Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Third cup of joe just to get me through the day
Want to make the most of time but I feel it slip away
I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life
I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see
That I only have time for me, me, me
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear you say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to take it in fill your lungs
The peace of God that overcomes
Just breathe
So let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best
Just breathe
Just breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Just breathe
