However, yesterday I was DONE.
I was exhausted and grumpy and very easily overwhelmed. Had you been a fly on the wall you would have heard me mutter, "I am SO OVER PARENTING!" right after sorting out fight number 587 between Joshua and Mataya.
I knew I did not have the emotional energy to load up those two tired tyrants and head to church, so I brewed a cup of coffee and turned on the live feed instead. I think my "get my head in the worship game" prayer went something like this. "God. You know what these last weeks have been like. You know that watching church is not the same as being there. You know I will be interrupted about 27 times. It's crummy - but this is the best I have to give today. Forgive me and meet me here please."
And as only God can. He met me and changed me within the first 30 seconds of the service. The opening worship song went like this. . .
I only want to sing, if I sing with everything.
If, I sing to you my King.
I can't imagine why I would do this all for hype.
It's all to lift you high.
Those words pierced my heart.
He whispered, "I know this is your desire. You are tired. You are weary. You should be. BUT - I know that you want to live for me. I know you want to parent for me. I know you want to give it your everything."
That gracious reminder calmed my soul and re-invigorated my will.
The rest of the day was not completely blissful. It had many moody ups and downs - but that is how parenting many children works. My circumstances did not change, but my heart did.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you that You meet me in the crummy and the grumpy and the weary. And You do not leave me there to wallow. You gently listen and respond. You inspire. Be lifted high in my parenting this week. Be lifted high in my workplace this week. Be lifted high in my conversations this week. Be lifted high in my spirit this week. I long to joyfully give You my everything.
This week the saga continues - Chad got home about 2 yesterday and leaves again tomorrow morning. It is a mad rush of laundry and instructions and organization - but it will be OK. I am not alone. I am never alone.
PS - Here are a few shots of the little ones I snapped over the weekend. In retrospect the reason I was so overwhelmed on Sunday was because I packed too much into the rest of the weekend. We played outside, rented movies, went out to lunch, explored the zoo, jumped on the trampoline, went for a walk in the neighborhood, and went to a movie in the theater. In between, I cleaned out the pantry, wiped down my kitchen cupboards, caught up the laundry, deciphered some important paperwork, and cleaned all the bathrooms. I was happy to get all that stuff done - but my emotional state on Sunday proved that I did not make wise choices. Margin is so important.
This walk ended with Mataya falling and skinning her knee. Momma carried Mataya and the dolly cart about .25 miles. But - it started out cute!
Mataya's hair defines her personality! She is so much fun, totally unpredictable, and always full of energy!
Wishing you a week lived carefully inside the margins. Wishing you rest along with accomplishments. But mostly wishing you a week lived in His service. May He be lifted high in all we do.
