Always.
However lately, between the beauty of Christmas surrounding me, a bit of extra time (I have decided not to go to the lake this month), and the knowledge that life is a fleeting gift, my desire to record some of my most precious memories has escalated. Which means instead of a simple "Happy 20th Birthday Jamison!" post, you will get a recap of his childhood.
I don't actually think my kids read this. In fact, although I write for them, it is not with the desire that they will read it now. Some day, when they are old enough to really know me, I hope they find me here and see their childhood through the eyes of my heart. Until that day, my children, I apologize if I over share. As we often tell Joshua, "You will get it when you're older!"
Anyway. . .
Before Chad and I had children I did not plan to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to be an elementary teacher. I went through college like a woman on a crazy mission, taking a HUGE class load and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. When I "finally" convinced Chad we should have a baby, and after that beautiful girl was born my plan did not change. I finished my final year of college as a full-time working mom, and I was happy. Very happy.
I am not sure what happened, but at some point just months before I graduated, I knew in my soul that acquiring a full time job would change our family dynamic in ways we did not want. Although I had everything ready to apply for jobs, great references, and a ton of enthusiasm - something stopped me. When I told Chad, he was stunned.
But supportive.
Chad has always, always, always supported my hopes and dreams. He never questions. He just opens any door possible to make them happen.
He did have a suggestion. He said that if I were going to try being a stay at home mom for a year, perhaps we should have another baby. Looking back and remembering that our first baby was only about seven months old at the time makes me smile. . . now. At the time, we didn't think about how close in age the children would be, just that we were in love with each other and with parenting. Why not have another baby?
I was expecting immediately. However, I discovered my pregnancy in a crazy way.
I was student teaching in a middle school. Sixth grade. One day I had three separate students ask me if I were pregnant. It was totally random. Totally odd. But because we were hoping. . . I laughingly told Chad about it at dinner. I took a test that evening and was delighted to discover that Jamison was on the way. (My students were never told!)
Although all my pregnancies were delightful, I think this one was the easiest. Life was so simple. I had a tiny rental home to care for, one baby, no job and no friends. It may sound lonely, but at the time it was golden. After years of being so busy and working so hard through college, I was able to nap. Cook. Take long walks. Read books to my baby girl. Count baby kicks in my belly. It was a precious time.
Like all my babies, Jamison was very happy in my belly. We waited until I was five days overdue and five centimeters dilated to induce labor. When I got to the hospital, the nurse was pretty sure he would just fall out when the doctor broke my water. She had everything ready for delivery. He did not arrive quite that quickly, but after a very brief and nearly painless labor, we were delighted to meet our son. Where Krissy's delivery was not at all what I had hoped, Jamison's was nearly magical. I felt so incredibly blessed.
As an infant Jamison only had eyes for me. My mom jokes that she held Jamison in the hospital, but not again until he was a year old. The only thing he liked, other than me, was a vibrating bouncy chair. However, he cried unless it was also being rocked. I could do anything balanced on one foot, bouncing his chair with the other. Literally anything. I moved our family from our tiny rental house in Minot into an apartment in Bismarck all while bouncing him in that chair. God gave me such peace and joy through that time. I do not remember it as stressful, I remember it with laughter and gratitude. That chair was the best thing ever, and I have always delighted in our son.
Growing up, Jamison was easy, obedient, and respectful. BUT when he threw a fit, it was EPIC. He definitely holds the record for best temper tantrums thrown by a Dietrich child.
When he was 2.5 he ran away from me when I said it was time to leave the park. I had to chase him for two blocks - while his sisters ages 4 years and 6 months waited buckled in the van. I carried his thrashing body back to the van and had to wrestle him into his car seat. He could not settle down. He yelled and screamed and thrashed the entire way home. When we arrived home, I carried him to his room, explaining he could come out when he had settled down. He literally tore his entire room apart. He threw all his toys down the stairs in a complete rage and eventually had his twin size mattress part way down the steps before he ran out of energy and anger.
Another time, he broke his window in an angry fit.
Looking back it makes me belly laugh.
I am also deeply thankful as I think back on these fits - because rather than being an angry person, Jamison has chosen self-control. As an teen and adult he has always been very kind, compassionate, and in control of his anger and behavior.
One of my favorite memories with Jamison was watching him shoot a pheasant, perhaps his first. We were hunting with a large group, and I was walking near Jay. A bird popped up in front of us and he shot it with confidence and ease. When we walked up to it, it was still flopping around. Now I am not a hunter. I took a couple quick steps backward and said (slightly panicked), "What do we do now?!?" He looked at me incredulously, picked up the bird, rung its neck, shoved it into his vest, and kept on walking. A few steps down the field he looked over his shoulder and grinned his mischievous dimpled grin. That memory is seared in my brain. It was THE MOMENT, the very first moment that I saw a man where my baby boy had been. He was around 12 and far from grown, but I saw it. A glimpse of the man he would become. Competent. Calm. Courageous. And fun.
This past year, he has more fully become that man I glimpsed on the pheasant field years ago.
I have watched him fall crazy in love, and choose her needs over his as he cared for her tenderly after surgery.
I have watched him wrestle through changing dreams as he discovered the root of his never-ending battle with stress fractures was not bad training but low bone density. If he had life as he wished, he would be running 90 miles a week and racing every chance he could. But his body has said no. And while he is far from happy, rather than throw a huge fit, he is instead pursuing his passion for coaching. Just as many dreams felt lost forever, a door opened for him to coach at the high school level. He jumped in and was a part of a state champion team. Coach Jam was officially born in what was one of the most disappointing seasons of my son's life. I am so proud that rather than wallow, he tried something new and reaped the rich rewards.
Jamison Chad Dietrich, your momma is proud of you. You dig deep. You have a strength of character that is admirable. You love big. You know how to ask for help and say thank you. And yet your dimples remain, though hidden by that beard! You know how to joke, laugh, tease, and have fun. I love that!
I am sorry for the times I mommy you. Old habits are hard to break, but I am trying. I DO see it. You are all grown up, and I am very thankful for the man you have become.
