Last weekend I was texting someone I love about a serious medical emergency she had witnessed. Things ended happily, and her response was "God is good."
Which made my stomach ache.
You see, I struggle with that statement.
God is good.
Is He? Or more like is He always good?
Sure, I see His goodness when things end happily. In those moments when my children laugh, a medical test comes back negative, a car accident is not fatal, a bill is miraculously paid.
But how about those other moments. . .
When a mom in her prime is fighting for her life?
When the bills are not paid and there is no job in sight?
When a child is dying?
When an accident changes one's path forever?
In those moments, can I still raise my heart and say, "God is good."
I once watched a man I respect immensely sing that song, "God is good all the time. . ." as his first born was struggling for her life in an ICU room. The memory is seared in my brain because my heart and my head just could not reconcile those words. I remember standing in that sanctuary asking God to forgive me because I just could not understand.
Just this week, I was studying the book of Mark. Mark 9:24 is one of my most frequently whispered prayers. "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."
I SO identify with the father in that story who is seeking the help of Jesus. He knows Jesus can heal, but yet. . .
That "but yet" is where I hover so often.
Jesus could BUT will He?
Do I believe in Him enough to trust His decision even IF it is not the one I think is good, right, best?
In a commentary I read about the passage the author says, "I am still learning to trust God to define what is good for me."
YES!!!!!
Oh, me too!
Oh, Lord Jesus. I believe. Help me overcome my unbelief. Help me to trust You to define what is GOOD. Amen.
