Looking back. . .
2018 was a year of HUGE change.
1. It started with me beginning the year angry. I had realized that my family was not on the path I wished them to be on. I had spoiled everyone, and that spoiling had resulted in a tired, angry, overworked and underappreciated mom. Angry fixes nothing, but it can fuel change. After voicing my hurt to my family, we worked hard to change. Twelve months later, I am much happier - and so is the rest of my family. The moral of my story. . . ask for help, honestly and humbly voice your needs, being "less" may just allow your family to be MORE!
2. We finished the cabin. It was HARD - but the most glorious accomplishment.
3. Jamison got married.
4. Sierra went to college.
5. I began homeschooling Joshua.
6. We lost Chad's grandpa and two very dear friends.
7. Chad and I have worked hard at making decisions together, little and big. We have always supported the decisions the other makes, but we haven't always discussed the small stuff a whole lot. We made a point to do that this year, and we ended the year more unified in every way than ever before.
Phew!
Though many of the changes that 2018 brought were GOOD - change is hard work.
Life feels much more stable looking forward. It appears that in 2019 we can build on and fine-tune some of the changes we experienced in 2019. But time will tell!
One never knows. . .
I like to choose a word, a theme of sorts, to concentrate on each year. I thought (maybe hoped) my word for 2019 would be joy. BUT, very early on the morning of my birthday, the Lord showed me His theme for my year.
PEACE.
We spent my birthday weekend at the cabin. It was a full house. Jamison and Ida had one bedroom. Sierra, Brenna and Mataya had another. Joshua bunked in the unfinished kiddie loft. Mataya woke up in the middle of the night with a bad dream, so she climbed in our bed. There is NOTHING comfortable about being the middle sleeper in a bed meant for two, but that is where I found myself on the morning of my 44th birthday. Chad, exhausted from snow removal, snored on one side of me. Mataya, restless from nightmares, slept on the other. I was surrounded by knees and elbows, too hot and then too cold, wishing for a pillow and ear plugs. I lay wide awake in those wee hours, totally uncomfortable and YET totally grateful. To begin a year surrounded by such love and commitment is the highest of honors.
I slipped out of bed, silently stoked the wood stove, started the coffee maker, and grabbed my Bible, devotion book and journal. In the light of the Christmas tree, I read these words:
"Pursuing PEACE means making an effort. We need God's help, and we need God's grace."
-Joyce Meyer
Those words lit up my soul in a way that only the Word of the Lord can do. You see, I long for peace. Quiet is my jam. I get up at 5:15 am every day so that I can have some quiet time with Jesus and coffee before my house awakens. Rush unsettles me like few other things. I thrive at the lake because there is LESS, and I am so thankful the Lord gave us that gift in the middle of the busiest season because in it He restores me.
However, in the quiet of that morning, He also told me that I need to PURSUE peace. Peace is not a place. It is not an unstuffed schedule. It is not the lack of noise. It is a choice.
"Peacemakers are committed to peace. They crave peace, pursue peace, and go after it. They don't just hope for it. They don't just pray for it. They aggressively pursue it in the power of God."
-Joyce Meyer (again)
So, this year, I intend to pursue peace.
His peace.
Perfect peace.
Peace that passes all understanding.
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
Peace, is His gift to me. In the year to come, I intend to explore and use that gift as I never have before. And in those moments when I am tempted to be afraid that the stuff of this year will challenge that goal more than I can bear - I look to the second half of the verse. It is as if He knew just how I would question and doubt. . .
oh, yeah! He did know. Even then, 2000 years ago.
Peace is something I want to learn. Teach me, Lord. Your peace is a gift. I want to open it fully and joyfully make use of it. Thank You for being near. Thank You for speaking to my heart. Thank You for teaching me. Thank You for the many gifts You give. Be glorified in my life, my home, my family, and our business in the year ahead. Be Glorified, I pray.
