I didn't really expect it this year. (although I should have)
He has been so solid for so long.
He has been so excited for his birthday.
But, today was hard. He was super needy. Climbed in our bed before 2am. Controlled conversations. Wanted to be carried. Insisted on lots and lots of cuddles and reassurance.
And that is OK. I wish it were different. I wish his birthday was filled with only happy memories.
But it is not.
His "birthday" was one of the most difficult days of his life, and his heart remembers.
It probably always will.
As it should.
So tomorrow, he will skip school. He has no interest in sharing the day with curious classmates. Mom is "suppose to" come to school. Share photos of every year of his life. And he wants NO part of that. Talking about Ethiopia to his classmates is "too special." It is "only for my family."
And that is OK.
We love him, his past, Ethiopia, and his family there. He knows that. He does too. He simply does not want to share that preciousness with his teachers and playmates that have no clue how rich and private and special his past is to him.
Tomorrow, we will celebrate. It may be a celebration of snuggles and it may be a rip-roaring party - that will be up to him. But no matter what we will celebrate. Because his past, present, and future are way too special to ignore.
Thank you Jesus for saving our son. On so many levels. Thank you that You did not create him with a spirit of fear - but with a spirit of Sonship. Thank you for the miracle of healing and the preciousness of remembering. Help us to weave the two gifts together with grace, gratitude, and love.
