Her room is empty, save the wall decor and the desk and lamp she does not have room for in her apartment.
Her apartment.
Sigh.
How did we get to this place?
I will never forget the very first time I placed our tiny firstborn baby in her crib for the very first time. She was the answer to my very deepest desire - to be a mommy. There has never been anything I longed for more than that, never. On that very first night, I remember praying over her as she slept. I prayed the prayer that my mom and dad had prayed with me when I was tiny. . .
"Now I lay you down to sleep,
I pray the Lord your soul to keep,
if you should die. . ."
At the word die, I started to weep.
The idea that I could ever be separated from this tiny one whom I loved with my entire being was completely unbearable. Though she was only a day or two old, I could not imagine my life without her.
In those moments I felt the Lord speaking to me patiently yet sternly saying, "Don't hold on too tight Alicia. Always remember that she is mine. Trust her to me. Today and always."
Those words have never left me.
Never.
Over the years there have been many, many, many, many, many times in which I have held on too tightly. I have often forgotten that she is not mine, she is a daughter of the One True King first and foremost.
I MUST trust Him above all else.
I have been always been grateful for this lesson - but never more so than now.
Now when she is gone.
Living her own life.
Doing things her way.
Being whoever she chooses to be.
No matter where she goes, who she hangs out with, how she pays her bills, etc, etc, etc. . . she belongs to Him. He will never, ever leave her. Never, ever.
Father God, I remember. She is Yours. I trust You with her. Watch over our daughter, Lord. Hold her close. Protect her and direct her as only You can. Thank you for choosing me to be her momma. It is an honor and privilege that even now brings tears of gratitude to my eyes.
