"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."
"I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you (Krissy, Jamison, Sierra, Brenna, Joshua, and Mataya) with power through His Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts (Krissy, Jamison, Sierra, Brenna, Joshua, and Mataya) through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have the power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you (Krissy, Jamison, Sierra, Brenna, Joshua, and Mataya) may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Ephesians 3: 12, 16-19
This passage has become a deep, constant prayer for my kids.
More than anything else, I want them to have Christ dwelling in their hearts through faith.
I want them to be rooted and established in love.
I want them to know how much He loves them.
Always.
In every situation.
No matter what.
I SO want them to that His love surpasses everything.
I want them to be filled. . . filled to the measure of the fullness of their God.
If they are rooted and established in Him, if they are filled with Him, they will be successful.
Period.
If they are filled by Him. . . to the measure of fullness only He can grant. . . all striving, all seeking, all searching will cease.
The very hardest parenting I have done thus far is happening right now. Right now, my oldest children are fighting to understand who they are. For themselves. Not for me. Not who I want/expect them to be - but who they will choose to be all on their own. They are searching. They are trying to figure it out. They try on many different attitudes, friendships, habits. . . searching for what feels right for them.
Some choices bring me worry.
Some bring me pain.
Some bring me joy.
Some bring me gratitude.
Some bring me hope.
However, this time is NOT about me. In many ways I have done all I can. I have said all I can say. I have planted every seed I have known to plant. (Yes, they will always need me. I will always be a voice in their life. But the parenting of the past, the training, shaping, consequences and rewards, are coming to an end with my oldest children. It is a time of letting go and praying they will soar.)
I am not comfortable with this form of parenting. It is new and hard and so very uncomfortable. I want to force them to STOP when I see them making choices that will leave scars. I want to save them from the pain I can see coming. I want to. . .
I am learning. I am growing. I am trying. I am seeking. I mess up all. the. time. I say too much. I get angry, hurt, afraid. Letting go of my precious ones is the hardest thing ever.
One of my lessons in this time is just how much God loves us. I stand in awe of Him. He has given us free will. That was the craziest thing ever. He knows how miserable we will make ourselves. He knows we will dishonor Him, Him who created us and loves us more than we can ever comprehend. He knows how many crummy decisions we will make. He knows our behavior will disappoint Him - but He lets us go, choose. And every minute of every day He is there to love us, to listen, to scoop us up and wipe away our tears. He always, always loves. He always, always forgives. He always, always takes us back. And then He lets us go off again, fully realizing just how stupid we will be.
I want to love like He loves.
And I am trying. . . but I really stink at it. (Sigh.)
What I am good at is hitting my knees and praying, seeking our Savior, again and again and again and again.
He is the only One who sustains.
The only One.
