While in some seasons blogging has been a release, and in other seasons it has felt like something God was asking me to do, in THIS season silence feels right. In this season of heart and priority changes, I feel called to silence. I feel as though He is calling me to ponder all of these things in my heart and trust them to Him and Him alone.
It is also a time in which I feel called to SLOW DOWN!
After years and years of rushing ALL. THE. TIME, my rhythm is changing. My heart is beating more slowly. I am breathing deeper. I am thinking and praying more and speaking less. I am healing. . . and healing takes time.
I am trying to love more deeply. That takes TIME people! Today I stopped at Walmart for two items. It was going to be a quick stop. But them the sweet granny who was working as a greeter stopped me to talk to Mataya. Mataya gave her her full-body, wrinkled-nose grin, and this greeter melted. She asked for a squeeze, and I handed over my baby. (This is RARE! I NEVER give my baby to strangers. Heck, I rarely give her to people I know and love.) Mataya snuggled right in, loving this grandma in a way that I could not. It was really beautiful. And the lesson of what a full-body smile and a deep loving hug can do lingers each time I hold our Mataya since she carries the scent of that grandma's perfume.
I am trying to pray without ceasing. Sierra asked me this morning what I do all day, and the answer is pray. Sure I fold laundry, cook, clean, buy groceries, get the mail, work for Chad, run errands, sing to Mataya, vacuum the floors, shower, fix beds, schedule appointments, etc. . . but all the while I am praying.
I am trying to listen and follow. . . even when it is hard. Some painful decisions have been made. They will be misunderstood by some and criticized by others - but in my heart I feel set free. At long last, I feel solid, sure, and released.
I am trying to savor and celebrate. Moments with my kids are fleeting. I savor every second.
I am trying to give wise counsel. As a mom I am constantly giving advice and setting boundaries. I am trying to be wise, loving, and fair.
I am trying to be a better employee to Chad. It is not easy working remotely - though I am loving it. Communication can be tough. I am trying to listen intently and discover the gaps that I could fill to lessen the burden for Chad.
I am trying to be available. My schedule has been overflowing for years with things that do not really matter. I am trying to be choosy and invest in only things that could make a difference in my heart or someone else's.
