Truth: I worry about Joshua and his education, most specifically reading, a lot.
Sigh. Worry is so pointless. I know that - but if I am not very, very careful I slip into a pattern of worrying about him.
Yesterday, my day began with troubled thoughts. Are we doing enough? Is he moving forward? Should I set up a consult with an OT, another reading specialist? Should I be forcing more reading time at home? Etc, etc, etc. . .
As I read through my devotions and spent some time journaling, these nagging concerns kept breaking through. I kept confessing and turning him over to the Lord, yet the worry persisted.
And then, as He always does, Jesus sent His direction.
On the last page of my Sunday devotional, I read this.
"Do not despise these small beginnings,
for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."
Zechariah 4:10
Which was followed by this prayer:
Dear Jesus,
Give me courage to treasure small beginnings
in myself and others in my life,
To look beyond how things appear.
To choose the beauty of the small moments,
because You are intimately at work creating lovely things within.
Rather than striving and stressing,
comparing myself (or my child) to what was or ought to be,
help me rest in Your love for me today.
Free my heart to pursue a Greater Dream with You,
to come alive in Your very presence -
and fully enjoy whatever You invite me into today.
Thank You.
Amen.
(Taken from Bonnie Gray's book whispers of rest.)
So, today I will notice the small beginnings. The times that JG chooses to read a street sign or a menu. The times he chooses to help me happily rather than angrily. The times he laughs. The spring in his step as he walks out of school.
And I will trust that these small beginnings are the work of the Lord, Joshua's God, who loves him more than I will ever love him, and who has a beautiful plan for his life.
(Because I know you are wondering. . . school is going well. We see so many improvements in Joshua's temperament. His confidence has grown, and his level of anxiety is much diminished. He has a much more positive and open attitude toward reading. He is learning multiplication. He is a changed boy. But because his scholastic skills in reading, writing, and math continue to lag behind what I have experienced in the past, I can easily fall into the trap of worry. Aware is good. Productive. Helpful. Worry is wasted. Totally unproductive. Me denying that God is in control. Sinful. If I want my son to love boldly, unhindered by fear and unproductive thoughts, I must set the example! So daily, I must choose trust and joy and faith in the journey God has for us both.)
