I did not expect my word for 2018 to be content.
Throughout December, I had expected 2018 to be about mercy or motivation or structure and goals. I have had some goals stirring in my mind and heart. I expected my word for the year to be about taking steps to accomplish them.
And it is.
Just not in the way I first expected.
I set aside the entire month of December to just prepare and savor the Holiday. I was home all month - decorating, cooking, shopping, wrapping, etc... My focus was not so much on the perfect Holiday as it was on soaking in the moment. I very intentionally created margin in my life so that I could enjoy AND be available. It was the most peaceful and enjoyable Christmas I have had in a very long time.
And yet. . .
as December rolled into January, I felt my peace slipping away. I was falling into a habit of rush, worry, frustration, sleeplessness. I was afraid. Last winter was SO HARD that the very idea that January was coming set my emotions into a total tailspin.
I woke up very early on the morning of January 1 in a cold sweat with a racing mind. I was very anxious AND equally angry.
"This is NOT how I was to live, Lord." I whispered as I tried to take control of my thoughts and emotions. I grabbed my robe and tiptoed into the family room to find my Bible and journal.
Opening my brand new devotional, I read the first entry and there it was.
"Contentment," Joyce Meyers wrote, "with life is not a feeling, but a decision we must make. Contentment does not mean that we never want to see change or improvement, but it does mean we can be happy where we are and will do the best we can with what we have. It also means we will maintain an attitude that allows us to enjoy the gift of life."
In that moment, I knew that my word for 2018 must be CONTENT.
More than anything else, I need to practice being content. Choosing it decisively. Maintaining it decisively. Living it decisivley.
Daily. Hourly. Moment by moment.
Even when my circumstances are crazy and confusing and noisy.
Especially when my circumstances are crazy and confusing and noisy.
"So what does that look like?" I have been asking the Lord. And although that is THE question I keep asking all year, He has given me a starting point.
One of the first steps I need to take in order to live a more content life is taking control of my thoughts. I don't know about you, but I can create a lot of problems in my mind. I can stir up trouble, have in-depth conversations, argue, and rage in my mind all day long. My thoughts can spin in circles of doubt and anger and conflict and hurt for hours and hours and hours.
IF
I allow them to.
2 Corinthians 10:5 says "We capture rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ."
Joyce Meyer writes, "You can think about things on purpose, and if you make what you think about match what you actually want to do, your feelings may not like it, but they will go along."
Phew! That sounds complicated.
For me, it means realizing when my thoughts are "toilet-bowling" and choosing to think of other things. I literally tell my own brain to STOP and then choose other thoughts. Music is helpful. Music speaks to my brain and soul at the same time.
Exercise does too.
Another thing that I allow to steal my contentment is a busy schedule. I do best in life when I choose to live with wide margins. Being at the helm of a large family, things change constantly. When my schedule is full at the start of the day, those changes push me off the cliff. BUT, when I choose to have a more less structured schedule, I can handle those changes with grace and joy.
Balance is something I am working towards. Knowing when to stop and start is hard for me. I am work-oriented and task-driven. I love plans and goals and structure. Yet, the most beautiful moments come when I push pause.
I read just this morning, "We need to learn when to stop. Jesus stopped what He was doing in order to listen to people and help them. He stopped what He was doing to rest, have dinner with friends, make wine for a wedding, and do lots of other simple but important things." Joyce Meyer, again!
I am working on it. Stopping. Resting. Seizing the moment.
Rushing has become a habit. A lifestyle really. And only I can change that.
Do you ever feel like the more you learn the more you discover you need to learn? That is exactly where I am at. However, I am not overwhelmed. I am hopeful and excited and peaceful and humble - willingly waiting on the Teacher to guide me.
Content?!?
Working on it for sure!
