Content is my word for 2018.
BUT
In order to live a more contented life, I need to make some changes.
Actually, I need to make quite a few changes!
One of the first things I needed to do is spend my time more intentionally.
I am super fortunate to have a flexible schedule. It has been the key to our family's ability to thrive and change. In 2018, I have realized that it can also be a key part of my journey to contentedness. . . if I use it wisely.
I am discovering that I have been giving away a lot of time and energy on things I really do not want to be doing.
Do you ever start the day with a list - a list of things that are feasible to accomplish; however, at the end of the day you realize you did not accomplish nearly what you had hoped to accomplish. I was doing that a lot. And after looking deep into my list, I realized that many days I did not accomplish my goals because I got sucked into rabbit holes. And after looking deep into my heart, I realized that it was MY OWN fault.
For example, I love to clean and organize things. (I know I am a weirdo.) I can easily get distracted while doing a quick bathroom cleaning and expand my task from a quick cleaning into a deep clean complete with a reorganized linen closet, freshly washed rugs, and scrubbed light fixtures. Now a sparkly bathroom is a good thing - except when I get to the end of the day and I am feeling frustrated because I did not have time to do some of the other things I had purposed to do that day.
Added to that frustration is that the things that most commonly got bumped from my list are the ones that would feed my soul - like a hot bath, time spent writing, or leisurely time with my husband watching a movie or sharing our hearts.
Soooooooo, I am making a HUGE, yet SIMPLE change.
As I march through my day, tasking like a boss, I ask myself, "Do you REALLY want to be doing this?"
Let me tell you, it is shocking how often the answer is NO!
Do I really want to be scrolling mindlessly through social media? (Often the answer is NO! I would much rather use the time for something more enjoyable and productive.)
Do I really want to be sweeping the kitchen floor? (Many times the answer is NO! It would make more sense to sweep the floor once a day, after dinner, rather than 4-5 times a day when I see a few crumbs.)
Do I really want to be packing Joshua's lunch? (Nope. It would make more sense to teach him to pack his own lunch!)
As I have been MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more intentional with my time - I am learning to discern what is REALLY important to me each day. I am also learning that most days I DO have enough time to take a long hot bath. . . IF I choose to.
I know this is super basic stuff. Obvious. Totally NOT earth-shaking.
However, it is rocking my world.
I am choosing to take care of myself in ways I have denied myself for many years.
I am choosing to pencil myself into my day. NOPE, I am choosing to permanent marker myself into my days AND not grab the white out. (As often as I have in the past any way!)
I tiptoed off to the bathroom the other night and filled the tub with steaming water. Chad wandered in about thirty minutes later. He said, "Oh here you are! I didn't know where you had gone."
I sheepishly confessed, "Well. . . . I am trying to learn to take better care of myself. . . is there something I should be doing? Are the kids OK? Do you need anything? I can get out!"
He smiled at me and responded, "Alicia. Stop. Everything is FINE. I am glad you are taking a bath. I LIKE that you are taking care of yourself."
So often I have denied myself "to serve others." As I examine that, I realize that while I WAS serving others, I was also serving my own ego. Being busy all the time made me feel important, hard-working, worthy, and needed. For many, many years the only thing I have done "for me" was exercise. Now, I love to exercise - but I consider it a non-negotiable health necessity, certainly not frivolous. Admitting I do indeed have frivolous needs that produce nothing but a contented soul, has been hard. However, the truth is I do a very real need to rest and refresh. Routinely. Not just on vacation once every few years. Treating myself as I would a treasured friend is watering my soul. Creating a peace and calm and worthiness that I have not felt in a long time.
We have choices, people. How we spend our day IS our choice.
I hear all your excuses here. All of them. I get it. I have six kids - ages 3 to 21, two grandkids, a husband, a job, volunteer work, meals to cook, laundry to do, bills to pay, passions I long to pursue... My life is full and noisy and chaotic - just like yours. There ARE some non-negotiable tasks in all of our lives. BUT how we fill in the cracks is up to each of us. We are not victims or slaves - unless we choose to be.
My last thought - it is OK to use a slice of time to task. Just own it! One evening this week, I had planned to spend some time writing. But my day had not gone as planned and my floors were a dusty, foot printed mess. I decided (key word there) that wiping down my floors would cause me more personal satisfaction than anything else in that moment. So, I joyfully cleaned my floors. Writing was delayed; however, because I realized that I chose that I was not angry. I was thankful to have found a bit of time in which I could make my home more beautiful.
I am learning. I am growing. I am changing. This growth is hard work. It is not natural. YET, it is also hope-inducing and soul-freeing.
Invest in yourself, my friends. Today. What do you REALLY want to do today? Choose one thing. And DO IT!
Like actually do it!
For real.
Because you are worthy.
Jesus taught that one of the standards of a life well lived is loving our neighbor as we love our selves. That means HE wants us to love ourselves.
So take a bath or go for a walk or build a snowman or clean a closet or savor a delicious piece of cake or watch a movie or grab your camera and snap photos or journal or dance or repaint a bedroom - whatever will set your soul free and bring you rest today - do it. Even five "stolen" minutes can make you feel so much better.
Be intentional.
Love yourself.
Today!
