It has been a year filled with lessons.
Big ones and little ones.
WAY, WAY, WAY more lessons than I ever anticipated!
For almost 19 years, I took care of ALL the day to day needs of our family. Chad worked outside the house. I was the stability at home. He helped when it fit into his schedule, but I really did not depend on his help. I had it all covered. If he wanted to help, that was fine - but I really did not need him to.
In all honesty, I liked it that way.
I like to take care of my family.
I like to pamper my husband.
I like to feel capable and in control.
So for me, needing Chad's help in order to manage our home felt like failure.
Thankfully, he has been gracious and persistent. He has quietly chosen to serve our family in consistent and specific ways. He did not say, "How can I help?" He dove in. He began making breakfast each morning. He offered to drive the after 4pm car pool. He chooses to tuck in the little kids some nights. When I am cleaning up the kitchen, he helps - rather than witching TV.
That was hard for me at first. I felt like I was not doing my job. I have always been the helper, to be helped was hard!
Key work - was.
I now love it. I so appreciate knowing that he will make us breakfast, and I will clean it up. I feel supported. Noticed. Appreciated. We feel like a team, rather than 2 seperate team captains.
It is a blessing.
I have been really thinking about all the ways that I have denied Chad the opportunity to take care of me. I am NOT good at letting him know what I want or need. I am fiercely independent. I like to carry my own weight - and then some. Oddly in all the years we have been married, I have become more independent rather than more dependent in some ways. Being married we share money - but since he makes most of it, I have always tried to make sure he gets what he wants first. Rushing in and out of the cold, chasing our brood, I rarely wait for him or anyone to open a door for me any more. I have discouraged little gifts because "it is just a waste of money." My habit is to deny myself, and I have forced Chad (in many ways) to follow that rule.
However, I started wondering how my girls would learn that it is OK to be pampered if I never allow them to see me caring for myself OR allowing their Dad to care for me. I want them to be self- sufficient, hard-working, and determined. YET, I also want them to experience the JOY of being treated like the Princesses that they are. Balance is good. And their momma has been out of balance.
Especially because their momma is married to a really, really good guy.
So, I did something totally "un-me" this week.
One morning I was feeling stressed and cranky and overwhelmed. It was cold, snowy, and dreary outside. I had not caught up on office work from our vacation, so I was feeling pressured about getting things done at work. I had many long days at my desk before the weekend - but I was longing for beauty and sunshine and hope and rest.
So I asked Chad to send me pretty yellow flowers.
I never ask for anything. Especially anything frivolous.
Never.
He was shocked. (In truth so was I.)
Those silly flowers have made me smile all week.
Every time I walk into my office, I feel loved. I feel warmer and more hopeful.
And Chad had fun sending them to me. My asking for them did not make receiving them less special. In fact, it may have made them more special. You see, when I asked for something girly, and frivolous my sweet husband did not laugh. He gave me what I asked for with joy. All because making me happy makes him happy.
I am a lucky girl!
So my advice ladies is that it is OK to ask to be pampered sometimes. It is OK to receive. It is OK to need help. Needing help and being a "needy wife" are not the same thing.
"Needy" is not something I want to be! Loved, supported, and sometimes pampered IS!
Thank you, Chad, for taking such good care of me this year. I could not do it all without you - whether I like it or not! Thank you for being gracious when I am not. Thank you for partnering with me in a whole new way. Thank you for taking joy in sending me yellow flowers on a dreary day. You are a blessing.
