#noregrets

Jamison set many goals for this his senior year of high school.  Most of which I do not know.  But one that he shared with me was that he wanted to end the year with no regrets.  That is a difficult goal.  It is also a very wise one.

I have watched him make choices many times this year to support this goal - but perhaps none illustrate it as clearly as his track season.

After a phenomenal end to his cross country season and signing to run at U Mary next year, Jamison expected to have an equally phenomenal track season.  He hoped to qualify for state in the mile, 2 mile. 800, and the 3200 relay.  Those seemed like tough, yet attainable goals. . . in November.

BUT. . . as the winter turned to spring, he could no longer deny that the pain he had been experiencing in his shins was not something he could train through.  After some PT, some rest, some more PT, and some more rest he had an MRI which revealed significant stress reactions in both shins.  The "sentence" was that he would need to be off his legs for half of his senior season.  He could bike and swim to keep up his cardio conditioning - but NO running.

He swallowed that verdict like a champ.  He got up before the birds to work out before school AND then attended practices to help coach and support his teammates.

When he was FINALLY able to run, he was so happy.

BUT 10 days into running, he could tell he was not healed.  The pain was returning and worsening day by day.  Now what?!? We all debated.

He spoke with his PT, his coach, his PT, and his coach.  Finally I just asked him, "Jay.  What do you want to do?" He said, "Race."

He did not say he wanted to race thinking this problem would magically go away.  He said "race" to live up to his no regrets goal.  He knew racing would hurt.  He knew racing may make the injury worse.  He knew he could have to red shirt his first year of college if he chose to race instead of rest.  But he also knew he would NEVER have another chance to race as a Patriot, and he decided that racing wounded was better than not racing at all.  He was SAD and MAD and many other things, however he chose to give all that he had to give and trust God with the rest.

When I told him, "If you want to race.  You will race.  Do I need to call your coach and tell him to let you run?"  It was HARD.  I like safe.  I like control.  I do not like pain.  Especially for my kids.  HOWEVER - this was not about me, so I swallowed every "are you sure" I was tempted to voice and instead told him that I would support his decision with everything in me, while also reminding him that his racing does not make me more or less proud of him.  I wanted him to have what he wanted and needed, period.

He only raced about 5 times this season.  And his races were admirable.  They were respectable - but they were not awesome.  He persevered, and while that is a HUGE accomplishment - especially when done with the incredible attitude that Jamison had - perseverance stinks. (Amen?!?)

At the regional meet, his relay team was able to qualify for the state meet.  That was awesome, but did not assure he would run.  All week we waited to see if he would run or not.  All week his coach debated.  When I wanted to call or text his coach and say, "Come on.  THIS kid has given his whole heart to you for four years, just let him run!" I kept silent, knowing Coach loves Jamison nearly as much as I do while praying for his wisdom.

Thursday evening Jamison got the official nod.  He would run in the meet.

He was thrilled.  I was too.  I was also terrified.

Terrified is where I go when my kids need to lay their hearts on the line.  And I knew Jamison would have to lay his heart on the line in order to race in a way that would make him smile for years to come.  Racing is always risky.  Racing on a relay team - hurt - is my idea of a nightmare.  (Have I mentioned I am NOT an athlete!)  Not only did he need to run well for him - but also for three other guys.  I spent all of Friday teary with pride, gratitude, and trepidation.

I finally texted a good friend and also Jamison's godmother asking them to pray.  I asked them to pray that Jamison would feel proud of his performance.  That he would run without fear, leaving his very heart on the track.  And that when the race was complete, that the entire team would be thankful that he was chosen to run.

I did not know it when I sent the text but his godmother was sitting in the stands - right across the track from me.  And my bestie was watching the clock to pray exactly as he ran.

When the race started I was a mess, and Sierra was sobbing next to me.  It was not pretty, but it was beautiful.  We were standing at the start/finish line.  I have never watched a race from that angle - but on this his final high school race I wanted to be close.  I wanted to either share in his joy or in his pain, depending on how the race went.  I just wanted to be as close to my man-son as I could.  I also wanted photos of the finish because I had never taken any from that angle.

Jamison ran anchor.  I don't remember him EVER running anchor before.  It was a super exciting race.

 Teammate #1 ran the fastest split of his life and the team was leading the race.  (They were ranked fourth.)

Teammate #2 has been one of Jamison's best friends since freshman year.  He, too, ran a crazy fast split and handed off the baton in first place.

Teammate #3 ran another amazing split.  They were no longer in first when the baton was handed to Jamison, but they were in the top three.

And there goes my son.

He ran a great first lap (4X800 relay) - but along the backstretch of the second lap he let a couple guys pass him.  At that point he had a choice, accept it OR dig deeper than he knew he could dig and race his heart out.  While we screamed and cried, he chose to gut it out.  He dug so very deep and moved back from sixth place into. . .

THIRD!

(I know, looks like first because of the close up shots.)

 Oh, my heart.  I wish I had video of these boys coming together.  Jamison had the biggest smile on his exhausted face as they circled in a celebratory hug.  It was such an incredible moment.

In the end, it was more incredible than I realized in that moment.  You see, these boys ran so fast they took 10 seconds off their qualifying time.  They ALL ran PRs.  AND their time is the sixth fastest in CHS history.

God is so good y'all

Though many of Jamison's goals were not met, God surprised him and allowed him to have one dream come unexpectedly true.  Jay had hoped and dreamed of being on his high school's top 10 all time best list in one of his events.  It never occurred to ANY of us that this team could accomplish that.  We were hoping they could pull off fourth and hold true to their ranking.  That, we thought, would be a good showing because it was not these four who had set that time but a different combination of runners.  

NOT SO.

God said, give me your tired, your wounds, your trust (and the fervent prayers of your momma's friends). . . and I will bless it.  More than you could ever expect.  Or plan.  Or even imagine.

 While I will never have the grit of an athlete, I have learned so very much watching my son race.  It takes so much courage to race.  Sure it takes talent and training and strategy, but that is the "easy" part.  The hard part is the courage.  The courage to push through pain and doubt and injury and heat and all the other obstacles that come along, to dig deeper than you knew you could dig, and GO FOR IT despite the odds, so that you can look back without a single regret.

If Jamison could change this season, I am certain he would.  He would never choose to be hurt.  However, I pray lessons of this season will serve him well.  I pray that he will remember all that he learned about perseverance.  All he learned about digging deep.  All he learned about choosing fearless living, always.  May the victory of this race serve him well as he goes on in this long race of life.

I am beyond thankful that God gave Jamison the strength and courage to race so well yesterday.  To Him be the glory.

To add a whole bunch of icing and a scoop of ice cream to the cake (so to speak)  his high school won the state meet for the second year in a row.  He is pictured above with the distance crew.   They have become his second family, and I am immensely proud of each one of these smiling faces.  May God continue to bless this crew as the run the race He puts before them.

(Another crazy blessing on this day was these photos.  While I placed myself in position to take these exact photos, I noticed mid-race that I had failed to put my memory card into my camera.  I grabbed my cell phone and snapped one picture of the finish and one picture of the group hug.  My finish pic was OK.  My group hug pic was all fuzzy.  I was shaking way too hard to hold my phone still enough for a photo.  However, God had my back.  Jamison found these photos on the state meet website and sent them to me.  Can you even believe it?!?  I am so feeling the goodness and mercy of the Lord today.  Thank you, Jesus.)