"May the God of hope fill you with great joy and peace as you trust in him." Romans 15:13

Monday, April 8, 2019

Empty Bedrooms

This has been a year of transition.

Transitions stretch me. . .
Which is my polite way of saying that I hate them.

Last weekend, Sierra blew through town.  In less than 2 hours she had her childhood bedroom stripped and loaded into a UHaul and was headed back to GF to begin adulting outside of a dorm.

Phew.  I was not ready for another empty bedroom.

I do not wish her back.  She has my blessing to go forward, yet it sure feels empty upstairs.  Where once every room was full, I now have three empty ones. What do I do with three empty bedrooms?

One is OK.  I liked it even.  One pretty room with a freshly made bed in the middle of the mess of family chaos.  That felt like luxury.  I would sneak into the guest room sometimes, just to enjoy the fact that I had one clean bedroom on that level of the house.

But three?

Yuck.

Chad and I had been talking about staying in this home “always.”  It sounded so romantic to have the kids come home to the home of their youth,  To watch the trees grow along with our grandchildren.  But as that UHaul pulled away, along with the belongings of our third child, I was not so sure.  Would it feel romantic, nostalgic and precious to grow old here - or just lonely? I am not sure.  However, thankfully, today is not the day to decide.

But I am praying in a whole new way. . . Chad and I spent nearly 18 years adding to our family.  We are both the oldest.  This slow decline of bodies in our home is foreign to us.  It is weird and unnatural to subtract rather than add to our brood.  And yet, as we subtract, we also add.

That is some crazy math.

So today, I pray, God what should we do with our empty rooms?  How, in this season, do we best use our home to serve and glorify You?

Sunday, April 7, 2019

The Sweetest 16

Yesterday, this sweetheart turned 16.

16.

The stage where a momma starts counting backward rather than forward.

2 more birthdays under my roof.

Only 2.

Then what?!?  Where will she be?  Who will she become?  Have I done enough?

BUT, those thoughts turn her birthday into my issue rather than her celebration.  So, I choose to silence them and celebrate my Brenna-girl.

THIS GIRL!

She is so worthy of celebration!

Of all my children, we have demanded the most from her.  She has needed to be most adaptable.  She was our baby for many years.  In reality, she never accepted that crown.  She never fit the "baby" mold, and praise God for that, because although we didn't realize it, baby was not her destiny.  When we added Joshua to our family, she gave up the crown without a complaint, transitioning with grace and joy.  And when Mataya came, she became out middle child.  The hinge in our family.  The connection between the "big" kids and the "little" ones.  Once again, she handled the change seamlessly.  AND this year, she has become our oldest (at home).  Of all the roles I have seen her maintain in our family, OLDEST seems to fit best.  It is amazing.  She is thriving.  She is more fully alive and herself than I have ever seen her be.  It has been a precious year.

In addition to adaptable, this girl is crazy-smart and equally determined.  When all her grades are A's, she works to raise then to A+.  She currently has more A+'s than any other grade.  If she was stressed, I would tell her to just chill out - but she is thriving on the challenge.  And when she is not, she is capable of chilling out and spending a night watching Netflix, blowing off homework like a typical teen.

Where her older sisters were very emotional in their thought processing at the same age, Brenna is an intellectual thinker.  She comes home from school each day not wanting to discuss the usual friendship dramas, but what she is learning.  We spend hours talking about literature and science.  She tries to tell me about math - but her math skills are way above mine!  Her rational, level-headed thought process is such a gift.

She is incredibly musical, receiving many choral awards this school year.  She also is has a flair for art and design.  She is her dad's and grandpa's favorite building helper because she understands measurement and line so naturally.

She is the kindest, sweetest, most empowering and encouraging sister Mataya could ask for.  I hardly have a single picture of Brenna in the last year that does not include Tay.  Mataya sticks to her like glue, and Brenna tolerates it with such grace.  Last night as Mataya trailed after Brenna and her friends and was accepted as a part of the crowd, my heart was so full.  I am so thankful for those moments.  And I know that Mataya will remember them always.


Brenna has surrounded herself with the most fun friends.  I love when they pile into our home.  Sweet friends are not easy to find, I am so grateful for the relationship these girls have formed.

When the oldest kids were little, I had no idea how much I would love these teen years.  I thought I  was a baby person.  I thought the best years of parenting would be when the kids were small.  I LOVED those years.  But, what I have learned is that I LOVE these years just as much.  Maybe more.  Watching my kids become.  It is incredible.  Each one is so amazing.  So much more than I expected.  Such a gift.

16 years ago, I would never have guessed that my tiniest, baldest, most clingy infant would become a 5'10" beauty who is calm, grounded, capable, and so very independent.  But God.

May you glorify Him with your many talents, beautiful one.  Always.

And may you always know how very much I love you. Always.