Cabin Update - Kitchen and Master Bedroom Nearing Completion

Chad and I had such a fun weekend at the lake.  We are working on final details.  I love that part of construction!  Seeing things come together is so rewarding. 

Chad and I design well together.  (Or at least we think we do!)  We bounce ideas back and forth, each adding vision, creating a final product that reflects us both perfectly.  It is just SO fun.

The lake house has been a unique project because we are designing on a dime.  We have worked hard to cut every cost we can, while still retaining the look and longevity we desire.  Upcycling is our jam on this one, and it has been so much fun.

 When we began our construction business, we primarily did work on preengineered metal buildings.  Though we have expanded and do a TON of remodel work, both commercial and residential; I have always wanted to use metal in some detail on a personal project because it represents so much to me.  The first time I saw the high slope of the ceiling in our master bedroom, I could totally picture it as metal.  When I asked Chad, he gave me a bit of a weird look, but confessed that he did have some metal panels they had not been able to use on a job. . .  but, was I sure?!?

I was SO sure.  And He allowed me to dream.

Thankfully, we both love the result!  It is just SO fun!

After we got the ceiling up, we needed to scrape the floor and start the flooring installation.

We are using a vinyl planking that has a weathered wood finish.  It is affordable and should be durable.  A nice look on the cheap!

 Chad fabricated barnwood beams to connect the wood look on the floor to the ceiling.

(Another one of my crazy ideas, he made happen.  I just LOVE it!)

We combined it all with crisp white trim and a sleek, modern door knob.  Quirky, yep!  However, I adore it.

(Plus, the wall paint, trim paint, metal ceiling, and base boards were all leftover from jobs!)

Chad also added a barnwood sill to the windows.  (This detail was all his idea!) How gorgeous is that - view and all!

 In the kitchen, we added hardware to the cabinets and trim to the windows.  Minor details that make a HUGE impact.  (Someday a dishwasher will go in the space the stool now sits.)

(In case you want some free construction advice...  If you do not want to spend a ton of money on cabinets, go with white.  Though cheap white cabinets will not wear any better than cheap wood ones, it is harder to tell the quality difference visually.  Is there a difference? Oh yes!  We have had custom build cabinets in our last two homes and these cheaper box cabinets are not in the same category.  However, high-end is not an option on every project.  These inexpensive cabinets look high-end because of the creative installation and detailing Chad and the guys came up with.  Visually, a white cabinet is a white cabinet - where a cheap wood look can be quite pronounced, even with superior installation.)

Our breakfast nook.

Some day we have a built-in banquet planned for this space.  Key word - some day!

 Detail of the barnwood trim.

Now do not be fooled - except for the kitchen (which still needs flooring), the master bedroom (which still needs electrical), and the main level bathroom (which still needs paint on the trim) - the cabin is a mess!  Chad has at least a month worth of sheetrock taping, then comes texturing and painting, followed by ceiling and flooring installation, doors to hand, trim to install, along with a million other small details. . .  We are definitely not done - BUT, we are having fun.  After the stress that I felt building our current home, I did not think I could ever enjoy construction on a personal level again.  This project is proving me wrong.

This project is a gift.  It is such hard work.  Yet, we have learned so much!  The place and the space is a dream come true, so I refuse to hate the process.

And that man I married, who trusts my vision and makes my crazy ideas come to life, he is making me fall in love with him over and over again.  He amazes me, inspires me, and delights me daily. 

Celebrating Small Beginnings

Truth:  I worry about Joshua and his education, most specifically reading, a lot.

Sigh.  Worry is so pointless.  I know that - but if I am not very, very careful I slip into a pattern of worrying about him.

Yesterday, my day began with troubled thoughts.  Are we doing enough?  Is he moving forward?  Should I set up a consult with an OT, another reading specialist?  Should I be forcing more reading time at home?  Etc, etc, etc. . .

As I read through my devotions and spent some time journaling, these nagging concerns kept breaking through.  I kept confessing and turning him over to the Lord, yet the worry persisted.

And then, as He always does, Jesus sent His direction.

On the last page of my Sunday devotional, I read this.

"Do not despise these small beginnings,
for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."
Zechariah 4:10

Which was followed by this prayer:

Dear Jesus,

Give me courage to treasure small beginnings
in myself and others in my life,
To look beyond how things appear.
To choose the beauty of the small moments,
because You are intimately at work creating lovely things within.

Rather than striving and stressing,
comparing myself (or my child) to what was or ought to be,
help me rest in Your love for me today.

Free my heart to pursue a Greater Dream with You,
to come alive in Your very presence - 
and fully enjoy whatever You invite me into today.

Thank You.
Amen.

(Taken from Bonnie Gray's book whispers of rest.)

So, today I will notice the small beginnings.  The times that JG chooses to read a street sign or a menu.  The times he chooses to help me happily rather than angrily.  The times he laughs.  The spring in his step as he walks out of school.

And I will trust that these small beginnings are the work of the Lord, Joshua's God, who loves him more than I will ever love him, and who has a beautiful plan for his life.

(Because I know you are wondering. . . school is going well.  We see so many improvements in Joshua's temperament.  His confidence has grown, and his level of anxiety is much diminished.  He has a much more positive and open attitude toward reading.  He is learning multiplication.  He is a changed boy.  But because his scholastic skills in reading, writing, and math continue to lag behind what I have experienced in the past, I can easily fall into the trap of worry.  Aware is good.  Productive.  Helpful.  Worry is wasted.  Totally unproductive.  Me denying that God is in control.  Sinful.  If I want my son to love boldly, unhindered by fear and unproductive thoughts, I must set the example!  So daily, I must choose trust and joy and faith in the journey God has for us both.)

Journeying to a Contented Life - You Are Worthy

Content is my word for 2018.

BUT

In order to live a more contented life, I need to make some changes.

Actually, I need to make quite a few changes!

One of the first things I needed to do is spend my time more intentionally. 

I am super fortunate to have a flexible schedule.  It has been the key to our family's ability to thrive and change.  In 2018, I have realized that it can also be a key part of my journey to contentedness. . . if I use it wisely.

I am discovering that I have been giving away a lot of time and energy on things I really do not want to be doing. 

Do you ever start the day with a list - a list of things that are feasible to accomplish; however, at the end of the day you realize you did not accomplish nearly what you had hoped to accomplish.  I was doing that a lot.  And after looking deep into my list, I realized that many days I did not accomplish my goals because I got sucked into rabbit holes.  And after looking deep into my heart, I realized that it was MY OWN fault.

For example, I love to clean and organize things. (I know I am a weirdo.) I can easily get distracted while doing a quick bathroom cleaning and expand my task from a quick cleaning into a deep clean complete with a reorganized linen closet, freshly washed rugs, and scrubbed light fixtures. Now a sparkly bathroom is a good thing - except when I get to the end of the day and I am feeling frustrated because I did not have time to do some of the other things I had purposed to do that day.

Added to that frustration is that the things that most commonly got bumped from my list are the ones that would feed my soul - like a hot bath, time spent writing, or leisurely time with my husband watching a movie or sharing our hearts.

Soooooooo, I am making a HUGE, yet SIMPLE change.

As I march through my day, tasking like a boss, I ask myself, "Do you REALLY want to be doing this?"

Let me tell you, it is shocking how often the answer is NO!

Do I really want to be scrolling mindlessly through social media?  (Often the answer is NO!  I would much rather use the time for something more enjoyable and productive.)

Do I really want to be sweeping the kitchen floor?  (Many times the answer is NO!  It would make more sense to sweep the floor once a day, after dinner, rather than 4-5 times a day when I see a few crumbs.)

Do I really want to be packing Joshua's lunch?  (Nope.  It would make more sense to teach him to pack his own lunch!)

As I have been MUCH, MUCH, MUCH more intentional with my time - I am learning to discern what is REALLY important to me each day.  I am also learning that most days I DO have enough time to take a long hot bath. . . IF I choose to.

I know this is super basic stuff.  Obvious.  Totally NOT earth-shaking.

However, it is rocking my world.

I am choosing to take care of myself in ways I have denied myself for many years.

I am choosing to pencil myself into my day.  NOPE, I am choosing to permanent marker myself into my days AND not grab the white out.  (As often as I have in the past any way!)

I tiptoed off to the bathroom the other night and filled the tub with steaming water.  Chad wandered in about thirty minutes later.  He said, "Oh here you are! I didn't know where you had gone."

I sheepishly confessed, "Well. . . .  I am trying to learn to take better care of myself. . . is there something I should be doing?  Are the kids OK?  Do you need anything?  I can get out!"

He smiled at me and responded, "Alicia.  Stop.  Everything is FINE.  I am glad you are taking a bath.  I LIKE that you are taking care of yourself."

So often I have denied myself "to serve others."  As I examine that, I realize that while I WAS serving others, I was also serving my own ego.  Being busy all the time made me feel important, hard-working, worthy, and needed. For many, many years the only thing I have done "for me" was exercise.  Now, I love to exercise - but I consider it a non-negotiable health necessity, certainly not frivolous.  Admitting I do indeed have frivolous needs that produce nothing but a contented soul, has been hard. However, the truth is I do a very real need to rest and refresh.  Routinely.  Not just on vacation once every few years.  Treating myself as I would a treasured friend is watering my soul. Creating a peace and calm and worthiness that I have not felt in a long time.

We have choices, people.  How we spend our day IS our choice. 

I hear all your excuses here.  All of them.  I get it.  I have six kids - ages 3 to 21, two grandkids, a husband, a job, volunteer work, meals to cook, laundry to do, bills to pay, passions I long to pursue...  My life is full and noisy and chaotic - just like yours.  There ARE some non-negotiable tasks in all of our lives.  BUT how we fill in the cracks is up to each of us. We are not victims or slaves - unless we choose to be.

My last thought - it is OK to use a slice of time to task.  Just own it!  One evening this week, I had planned to spend some time writing.  But my day had not gone as planned and my floors were a dusty, foot printed mess.  I decided (key word there) that wiping down my floors would cause me more personal satisfaction than anything else in that moment.  So, I joyfully cleaned my floors.  Writing was delayed; however, because I realized that I chose that I was not angry.  I was thankful to have found a bit of time in which I could make my home more beautiful.

I am learning.  I am growing.  I am changing.  This growth is hard work.  It is not natural.  YET, it is also hope-inducing and soul-freeing.

Invest in yourself, my friends.  Today.  What do you REALLY want to do today?  Choose one thing.  And DO IT!

Like actually do it!

For real.

Because you are worthy.

Jesus taught that one of the standards of a life well lived is loving our neighbor as we love our selves.  That means HE wants us to love ourselves.

So take a bath or go for a walk or build a snowman or clean a closet or savor a delicious piece of cake or watch a movie or grab your camera and snap photos or journal or dance or repaint a bedroom - whatever will set your soul free and bring you rest today - do it.  Even five "stolen" minutes can make you feel so much better. 

Be intentional.

Love yourself.

Today!

Winter Formal 2018

We had a house full of high school girls preparing for winter formal tonight.  Some for the first time.  Others for the last.  Their enthusiasm was palpable and noisy.  Happy laughter, my very favorite noise,  rang throughout our home.

 Adrianna, Breanna, Brenna, and Stella

 Sierra and Drew - future suitemates and current besties.  They ditched the "boyfs"  (current teen slang for boyfriends) to go to the dance with the girls - however they're meeting the men for appetizers after the dance.  (Or, maybe in the middle of it depending on how much they miss them.)

 They get along so well.  It makes my heart happy.

 When everyone started getting into their dresses and heels, Mataya came galloping into the kitchen as said, "Mom, you are going to need your camera!"

Her next request was to change into her "princess dress" so she could be beautiful like her sisters.

Moments like these, mixed into crazy and noisy and giggles and nerves and snapchats and lipstick and hair touch-ups, fill me up.

 It is so very special that these three are so close this year.  Brenna and Adrianna are nearly inseparable.  I LOVE IT!

 Yep - she headed to the dance with a date.

Thankfully, he is a super nice guy.  But still. . . it is hard to believe can she be so old and beautiful and poised?  She is though.  And although it makes me nostalgic, it also makes me proud and thankful.  She is a delight, our Brenna-girl.  Such a treasure.

  You know your officially accepted when Sierra wants to snap with you.

I told my "boyf" that we should perhaps host a winter formal for adults.  All these smiling teenagers make dressing pretty and heading to a dance look pretty fun.  I miss those days!  Want to join us?

Content

I did not expect my word for 2018 to be content.

Throughout December, I had expected 2018 to be about mercy or motivation or structure and goals.  I have had some goals stirring in my mind and heart.  I expected my word for the year to be about taking steps to accomplish them. 

And it is. 

Just not in the way I first expected.

I set aside the entire month of December to just prepare and savor the Holiday.  I was home all month - decorating, cooking, shopping, wrapping, etc... My focus was not so much on the perfect Holiday as it was on soaking in the moment.  I very intentionally created margin in my life so that I could enjoy AND be available.  It was the most peaceful and enjoyable Christmas I have had in a very long time.

And yet. . .

as December rolled into January, I felt my peace slipping away.  I was falling into a habit of rush, worry, frustration, sleeplessness.  I was afraid.  Last winter was SO HARD that the very idea that January was coming set my emotions into a total tailspin. 

I woke up very early on the morning of January 1 in a cold sweat with a racing mind.  I was very anxious AND equally angry.

"This is NOT how I was to live, Lord."  I whispered as I tried to take control of my thoughts and emotions.  I grabbed my robe and tiptoed into the family room to find my Bible and journal.

Opening my brand new devotional, I read the first entry and there it was.

"Contentment," Joyce Meyers wrote, "with life is not a feeling, but a decision we must make.  Contentment does not mean that we never want to see change or improvement, but it does mean we can be happy where we are and will do the best we can with what we have.  It also means we will maintain an attitude that allows us to enjoy the gift of life."

In that moment, I knew that my word for 2018 must be CONTENT.

More than anything else, I need to practice being content.  Choosing it decisively.  Maintaining it decisively.  Living it decisivley. 

Daily.  Hourly.  Moment by moment.

Even when my circumstances are crazy and confusing and noisy.

Especially when my circumstances are crazy and confusing and noisy.

"So what does that look like?" I have been asking the Lord.  And although that is THE question I keep asking all year, He has given me a starting point.

One of the first steps I need to take in order to live a more content life is taking control of my thoughts.  I don't know about you, but I can create a lot of problems in my mind.  I can stir up trouble, have in-depth conversations, argue, and rage in my mind all day long.  My thoughts can spin in circles of doubt and anger and conflict and hurt for hours and hours and hours.

IF

I allow them to.

2 Corinthians 10:5 says "We capture rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ."

Joyce Meyer writes, "You can think about things on purpose, and if you make what you think about match what you actually want to do, your feelings may not like it, but they will go along."

Phew!  That sounds complicated.

For me, it means realizing when my thoughts are "toilet-bowling" and choosing to think of other things.  I literally tell my own brain to STOP and then choose other thoughts.  Music is helpful.  Music speaks to my brain and soul at the same time.

Exercise does too. 

Another thing that I allow to steal my contentment is a busy schedule.  I do best in life when I choose to live with wide margins.  Being at the helm of a large family, things change constantly.  When my schedule is full at the start of the day, those changes push me off the cliff.  BUT, when I choose to have a more less structured schedule, I can handle those changes with grace and joy.

Balance is something I am working towards.  Knowing when to stop and start is hard for me.  I am work-oriented and task-driven.  I love plans and goals and structure.  Yet, the most beautiful moments come when I push pause.

I read just this morning, "We need to learn when to stop.  Jesus stopped what He was doing in order to listen to people and help them.  He stopped what He was doing to rest, have dinner with friends, make wine for a wedding, and do lots of other simple but important things."  Joyce Meyer, again!

I am working on it.  Stopping.  Resting.  Seizing the moment.

Rushing has become a habit.  A lifestyle really.  And only I can change that.

Do you ever feel like the more you learn the more you discover you need to learn?   That is exactly where I am at.  However, I am not overwhelmed.  I am hopeful and excited and peaceful and humble - willingly waiting on the Teacher to guide me.

Content?!?

Working on it for sure!

Feeling Your Worth

All throughout Advent, these words captured me. 

I first heard them, like REALLY heard them, at a church service right after Thanksgiving.  I had sung them a thousand times before - but THIS time, they shook my soul.  Tears filled my eyes.  And my heart understood this truth in a way it had never understood it before.

Throughout the month of December, these words chased me.  Wooed me.  Taught me.  Guided me.

It is amazing how profound a few words can become when guided by the Holy One.

Thanks to my husband, they now hang on my wall.  At some point they may become a Christmas decoration - but for now, I need to see them daily.  To soak them in.  To pray them over my children.

I wish so many things for those dearest to me.  Happiness.  Health.  Love.  Peace.  Joy.  Bounty.  Adventure.  Laughter.  Purpose.  Success.  Gratitude.  Softness. . .   I could go on and on and on forever.

BUT more than anything else, my wish for you and me and all those who I hold dear is the feeling of freedom and worthiness and perfection that comes when Jesus enters you.  In Him, all striving can cease.  When He appears, our soul feels its worth.

Content is my "word" for 2018.

I have a lot to learn and unpack about contentment.  There are some changes I am making in my heart and in my schedule to live a more contented life.  (More about that another day.)

HOWEVER, content starts with Jesus.  He appears and my soul feels its worth. 

 Thank you, Jesus.  In You I have worth.  Peace.  Perfection.