This morning, I paraded into church about 1 minute late, with three of my children in tow.
Only moments before, Chad had gotten called out unexpectedly to move snow. Joshua had remembered, at the last minute, that he could not survive church without coffee. Then he had set his precious cup of joe on the bench that I sat on to put on my shoes. The coffee proceeded to spill all over the bench and floor. I cleaned up our mess with a huff and shooed everyone out the door.
As we sat down in church, I leaned over to Brenna pointing to her very disheveled youngest siblings with a roll of my eyes. They looked a wreck.
Mataya had static hair creating a crazy halo all around her entire head, leggings which in no way matched her "fancy" dress, and an inability to sit still or be quiet. Yet, she is also currently equally incapable of going anywhere without me. While she looks to be the most outgoing kid around, force her to be separated from me and panic (true panic, not a preschool fit) ensues.
Joshua was wearing a ski mask to cover his too long and totally out of control hair. His pants were too short and splattered with blue paint. His face was showing traces of toothpaste - although since he currently hates any hygiene related task, toothpaste on his face is actually a victory.
And if I am honest, looking at them, I felt a failure. In that moment, I felt a deep longing to have children who were perfectly put together. Children who made me appear to be a momma who has it together. There was no way ANYONE would glance at us and assume I had ANYTHING figured out. This morning, I was not wishing for a perfect life. I just wished it looked like I was paying attention.
Now, I have been doing this parenting thing a looooooooong time. I truly can not remember going to church and NOT having a preschool child to consider. I know my goal as a mom is to raise ADULTS who are independent thinkers, confident, defined by whose they are NOT how they are dressed. I know that I allowed my youngest children to leave the house dressed in their crazy attire on purpose. BUT dang, couldn't they become independent and strong WHILE looking descent?!?
(Please hear my own sense of humor in all of this!!!)
We surviving church (come on momma's it does feel that way some days, does it not?). We returned home, and as we cleaned up lunch, I confessed my flaky thoughts to Brenna Joy. We laughed and laughed at the crazy of her siblings. (I will never know how to thank Brenna for her free thinking and acceptance of her crazy siblings. Many teens would be too humiliated to go anywhere with them! Brenna praises Mataya when she proudly chooses crazy outfits, telling her that if she feels beautiful, then she looks beautiful. And she takes Joshua's current disdain for clothes and hair fairly hillarious.) Brenna giggled when I told her that just once I wish someone would look at those two and think. . . "Wow! Their mom has it figured out!"
And my Brenna-girl responded with the kindest, sweetest words. She said, "Mom, when people see the kids, they will know right away that you are patient and care more about your kids than what other people think."
Oh, how I needed her encouragement today.
