"May the God of hope fill you with great joy and peace as you trust in him." Romans 15:13

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

My Rhythm is Changing

Sierra asked me this morning why I never blog any more.

While in some seasons blogging has been a release, and in other seasons it has felt like something God was asking me to do, in THIS season silence feels right.  In this season of heart and priority changes, I feel called to silence.  I feel as though He is calling me to ponder all of these things in my heart and trust them to Him and Him alone.

It is also a time in which I feel called to SLOW DOWN!

After years and years of rushing ALL. THE. TIME, my rhythm is changing.  My heart is beating more slowly.  I am breathing deeper.  I am thinking and praying more and speaking less.  I am healing. . . and healing takes time.

I am trying to be a more thoughtful and caring friend, especially in non-emergent times.

I am trying to love more deeply.  That takes TIME people!  Today I stopped at Walmart for two items.  It was going to be a quick stop.  But them the sweet granny who was working as a greeter stopped me to talk to Mataya.  Mataya gave her her full-body, wrinkled-nose grin, and this greeter melted.  She asked for a squeeze, and I handed over my baby.  (This is RARE!  I NEVER give my baby to strangers.  Heck, I rarely give her to people I know and love.)  Mataya snuggled right in, loving this grandma in a way that I could not.  It was really beautiful.  And the lesson of what a full-body smile and a deep loving hug can do lingers each time I hold our Mataya since she carries the scent of that grandma's perfume.

I am trying to pray without ceasing.  Sierra asked me this morning what I do all day, and the answer is pray.  Sure I fold laundry, cook, clean, buy groceries, get the mail, work for Chad, run errands, sing to Mataya, vacuum the floors, shower, fix beds, schedule appointments, etc. . . but all the while I am praying.

I am trying to listen and follow. . . even when it is hard.  Some painful decisions have been made.  They will be misunderstood by some and criticized by others - but in my heart I feel set free.  At long last, I feel solid, sure, and released.

I am trying to savor and celebrate.  Moments with my kids are fleeting.  I savor every second.

I am trying to give wise counsel.  As a mom I am constantly giving advice and setting boundaries.  I am trying to be wise, loving, and fair.

I am trying to be a better employee to Chad.  It is not easy working remotely - though I am loving it.  Communication can be tough.  I am trying to listen intently and discover the gaps that I could fill to lessen the burden for Chad.

I am trying to be available.  My schedule has been overflowing for years with things that do not really matter.  I am trying to be choosy and invest in only things that could make a difference in my heart or someone else's.