He Has A Way With Words

 

 

I kid you not, Joshua Gebeyehu Chad Dietrich LOVES to give compliments!  He melts my heart on an hourly basis.  Just today he said:

• Mommy, you are the best mommy ever.
• I have something for you.  Bend over, you will love it!  (Plants a HUGE kiss on my cheek.)
• You are a good cook!  Thanks for breakfast!
• You are the prettiest sister in the world.
• You are the bestest sister I ever had.
• I love you more than the whole world.
• I just want to hug you and hug you.
• Mommy, you are the prettiest thing I ever saw.  Daddy is the most handsome.
• When you are gone, I am going to miss you a lot!  I'm going to have fun too.  That's good right!  We are a family forever so we can still have fun when we are not together!
• I will love you forever.
• You give the best hugs I ever had.
• Wow! You have beautiful hair!

 

Words of affirmation are certainly his gift!

 

Chad and I fly away tomorrow bright and early.  As I wrote a schedule out for the grandparents, I was struck by all that has changed in a year.  Last year, my biggest concern was how Joshua would do with us away.  We had never left him.  He still had some hard times, so the schedule included some instructions on what to do if he. . .

 

Fast forward a year and I am only concerned that the grandparents will lose their minds trying to get the teenagers where they need to be, when they need to be there!  There are 6 pages, I am not exaggerating, of detailed explanations describing just how much driving they have committed to doing!  It is pure craziness! 

 

It is also beautiful and perfectly normal!

 

Have a great week all!  Pray for my kids and their grandparents!  It will be a busy week at the Dietrich house, while Daddy and I nap on the beach!



Searching for His Plan

I have spent the last 2 months trying to relearn how to relax.

No lie.

I have forced myself to take baths.  (Those who really know me are gasping.)

I have read a lot - but only books that make my heart sigh.

I have napped, even when my house is a mess.

Other than going to work, I have rarely left my home.

Around Christmas, I was truly ready to snap. I have never felt as on edge.  I had been so stressed, for so long that all my happy-go-lucky was long gone.  And in all honesty, I was wound so tight that feeling relaxed enough to truly enjoy any moment was impossible.  I knew that I had to somehow re-train my brain and body to relax OR consider going on some meds - maybe even both.

Thankfully two months into 2013, I feel like me again.  Sure I am tired most of the time, up to my eyeballs in work, and usually behind with the laundry - that is just part of being me.  My stress is certainly not gone.  But now, when I am running late, working too many hours, or walk into a messy kitchen - I can breathe.  I can think through how to fix the problem and go on.

I am so thankful.

Two months of rest, has also given me enough space to think through all the things that happened in the last year and a half which brought me to a mini-midlife crisis. Here is a super brief play by play:

• We decided to sell the home I loved in July of 2011.
• I went back to work, very suddenly.  Joshua started day care. My heart broke.
• Day care #1 was a disaster.
• He started day care number 2.  Life improved.
• We showed the home constantly.  It needed to be picture perfect all the time.
• We worked through a home study, very quickly.
• We were (sort of) matched with a mom wanting to place her 2 and 3 year old kids with our family.
• Christmas happened.
• The "match" fell through.
• We continue showing the house constantly.
• We start reading through paperwork on kids waiting in the US foster care system.  Heart breaking.
• We decide to pull our house off the market.  I was thrilled.
• Chad changed his mind, wanted to sell.  I was exhausted and terrified.
• We start praying about the adoption of a little guy with short term special needs. 
• We find a lot to build a new home on.  We buy it.
• Our house sells. Day care #2 closes. We leave for "vacation" in Hawaii all the same day.
• While on "vacation" we try to design our home via email. 
• While on "vacation" we decide we need to decline from adopting the little guy.  I feel deep sadness about this, but know that living in campers would not be good for his medical needs.
• We return home.  Go back to work, and find day care #3 for Joshua.
• We keep drawing our house.  It is not what I want, but Chad is happy.
• Our house sale falls through.
• More home showings.
• House sells again.
• We begin building our new home. Every moment we are not at work, we build.
• We move 5 kids and a golden retriever into 2 campers.
• Living in campers is . . . interesting.
• Building, work, building, work, building, work - no play, no privacy, no relaxation for months.
• School starts and with it another new routine, including much driving.
• We move into our nearly completed home.  Big happy sigh.  The end is in sight.
• I email our social worker and tell her to check our paperwork, we would be able to adopt again, if there was a need for us, soon.
• Our new home floods.
• Our young friend is badly injured.
• We fight with insurance companies.
• We are SO exhausted.
• We move 5 kids into 2 hotel suites.
• We continue to build in every spare moment.
• We approach closing, so much pressure to finish the build, so much fighting with insurance, so many bills, so much bad workmanship by insurance repair subs, stress is overwhelming.
• Move back in the house.
• Host Thanksgiving.
• Still work every single spare moment.  Chad even pulled a couple all-nighters.
• Close on loan, but continue to fight with insurance.
• Plan to have lots of family for Christmas.
• Finally settle with insurance.  Not thrilled, but thankful it is over.
• Have a big party for New Year's 2013.
• Begin trying to rest and recover from it all.

Looking back through it all has been good.  It helps me see that there was near constant stress for a very long time.  There was good reason that I felt out of control, I had lived that way for a long time.

I am wishing right now for the happy ending.  You know the unbelievable twist at the end of a book/movie that makes the whole entire plot make sense.  That beautiful surprise which makes every bad thing that happened suddenly becomes so worth it.

Two weeks ago, I thought we had discovered it.  Our social worker emailed letting us know that a sibling group that we had inquired about last winter was finally being matched.  She wondered if we would still like to be considered.  It felt so right.  These were "the kids" that Chad kept asking me about all last winter.  He had totally connected with their picture.  If we were supposed to be their parents all the confusion and delays made sense, especially when we read the little boy wished for a family "with a big yard and a dog."

That had to be it.  What a great end to the saga of chaos.

But alas, they were matched with a different family.  And we are OK with that.  We want kids to be happy, for God to open and close doors as He wills.  We are peaceful.  But it would have been a really exciting ending to this chapter in our family, don't you think?

I am not sure if I will ever be able to untangle this ball of yarn.  I am not sure if the events of the last year and a half will ever make sense to me, if I will ever see God's plan in it all.   Right now, I am not sure what He has planned for us.  More kids?  A way for me to work less?  Where will Krissy go to college?  How will it feel to have her leave?  Is she ready?  How long will the economy in Bismarck be this good?  Am I really serving as God would have me?  How will this upcoming Ethiopia trip impact our family?  Is there more chaos right around the corner? (Please God, no.  I am not strong enough yet.)  How to can I allow myself enough rest AND YET still be serving as He desires?  Is there really such a thing as balance?

Chad and I leave for a week away on Monday.  We leave this year under totally different circumstances than we did last year.  Life feels pretty stable.  We have a routine that works pretty well.  We expect it to remain the same for quite some time.  Business is good.  The kids are all doing great.  The laundry will even be caught up, for an hour or so anyway!

I am so thankful the past year is behind us.  I am so thankful to leave feeling rested and optimistic.  I can hardly wait to run on the beach, sleep late, smell the humid air of the tropics, eat food prepared by terrific chefs, read for hours and hours and hours, sip drinks served in fancy glassware, listen to the ocean, dream with my husband without the interruption of cellphones or children. This trip is an incredible blessing.

(Which by the way I do not deserve any more than anyone else does.  We are so lucky that Chad has the chance to win/earn winter vacations through his building supplier.  We appreciate the spif very much.  But I never feel like I deserve it.  There are so many people who live much harder lives than I do that will never have the opportunity to hang in a fantastic resort, in a perfectly beautiful location.  These trips are gifts that I am very grateful for.)

I do hope that amid the rest, and the sun, and the salt water, and the holding of my husband's hand that I have the chance to hear from God.  I long for just the tiniest glimpse into His plan.  I wish for confirmation that we are living as He wills - or clear instruction on how to move so we are.  I hope to return with a quiet confidence, deep in my soul, that we are walking towards His will.  Because while I know that some things never make sense, when I do know I am walking the path He has for me, it is all worthwhile.

(I would go into a vacation with a goal.)

(The Dominican Republic -  I had a feeling you would want to know where we are headed!)

Heading Back to Ethiopia, At Last!

I am so incredibly excited to be heading back to Ethiopia in May.  So. Incredibly. Excited!

 Just when I thought it could not get any better, CHAD decided to join the trip!  Above, he is signing the paperwork officially registering himself for the trip.  He was so funny that night!  When he came to tell me that he wanted to join the mission team he had the most nervous look on his face.  I teased him that he looked more nervous than if I had just told him I was having triplets.  He grinned and said, "Actually that would not phase me.  We could handle that!"

For the record, he is not scared of Ethiopia.  He is just worried about leaving his business for 10 days.  We have never done that.  Add to that the fact that we will have less contact with home than we usually have when we travel, and I totally understand his concern.

However, I am over the moon excited that he will be on this trip.  I am thrilled that there will be a project we are working on together.  I want him to smell, see, hear, taste - to totally experience the birth place of our littlest son.

I also want his expertise on a fence fixing project that is part of our itinerary.

More than anything, I look forward to processing the trip together.  It has been hard in the last years to explain to him some of what has happened in my heart since being in Ethiopia.  I am so thankful that this time we will experience it together.   As I have worked more and more outside our home, we have worked side by side less and less.  Where we once did most everything together, we now have very varied projects we are involved in.  I miss working with Chad.  I am so thrilled to share this with him, as it is my very heart. I am trusting that God will use this trip in beautiful ways.

The other exciting news is that Sierra will be traveling with us as well!  Just today, we brought her to apply for her passport.  She is so very thrilled!  She says she wants to move to Africa to do medical mission work when she is an adult.  I am so curious to see what she thinks of this trip.  I am so thankful I will be with her and will be able to witness her reactions first hand.

 Sierra has been working hard to pay for her trip!  She created these cute bracelets which she is selling to help cover her trip expenses.

We have also been doing some fund raising with the rest of our mission team.  Last weekend she spent some time each day selling parking spots.  The sign says $2, not $200!  $200 would pay for the trip a little faster than $2 per slot though!

While parking cars last weekend, she had quite a scare.  I left her for a few minutes to go check on the rest of the team.  While I was gone a car parked in the middle of the street and the driver hopped out.  Sierra was scared he was going to grab her, throw her into the car, and drive away.  Instead he told her, "You are really pretty.  Here is $20."  And drove away!

When I returned she was still (understandable) shaken up.  She told me that I could never leave her again. (DUH!) and that she would not be splitting that $20 with the team.  She earned it all by herself!

While it was scary, and I did not leave her side again, it has become a bit of a joke.  I don't know about you, but no one has ever given me even $1 for my looks.

Soon, I will share more about what we will be doing on this trip.  It is not a Dietrich only affair.  We will travel with 11 other members of our church - including my mom, some very dear friends, and some people who are soon to be my newest best friends!  It is a project I look forward to sharing!

Learning a New Normal

Gradually, as we creep into a new year, a new normal is emerging.

It is a completely different normal that we have ever had before.

For 18.5 years, I did everything in our home.  I did all the cleaning, all the grocery shopping, all the meal planning, all the laundry, all the homework, all the appointment scheduling,  all the school communicating, all the haircuts, all the doctor appointments, all the bill paying. . .  There were, of course, instances in which Chad would help out.  He likes to cook, and he has always cooked when time allowed.  He did the majority of the snow removal.  He did some of the lawn care.  He did a ton of tickeling, wrestling, and horse play.  He listened when our kids spoke and always knew what was going on in each of their lives.  He was far from uninvolved.  But our tasks were clearly divided.  I took care of our home.  He worked and worked and worked building his business.

We both liked the arrangement.

In the last two years, as I have been working more and more hours outside our home, I have been feeling more and more incapable of caring for our home and family the way I wish.  That is heartbreaking to me.  There is nothing I love to do more than the "wifey" stuff.

But I can not do all things.

Thankfully, Chad has recognized my exhaustion and frusteration.

Ever since the house has been complete, he has woken up to make us breakfast daily.  (Yep.  We have totally spoiled kids who receive a hot, fresh, homemade breakfast daily.  I started it as our teens went through huge growth spurts.  They truly needed the nourishment.  It continues.  And it is the one thing Krissy brags about.  She fully realizes she is one of the only kids in her class whose parents cook her breakfast every morning.)  The fact that Chad has owned a task, is huge!

He has also started taking care of all the after 5 pm carpooling.  This makes if possible for me to stay home most days from 4:00 on.  I am a home body to the core, and having that extra time at home each day is such a blessing.

We have also figured out a way for me to have some office hours at his business sans Joshua each week.  Joshua goes to school each day from 8:00 to 12:30.  The original plan was for me to work at church while he was at school, and to complete my church hours from home or with him in my office.  I would just do the tasks I needed to do as Chad's bookkeeper in the "cracks" of time I could discover.  This did not work very well.  We limped along until January - but we were truly limping.  I was feeling like a total failure as his employee.  So we came up with a compromise.  I now work in his office each Thursday morning while Joshua is at school.  Then he goes and gets Joshua from school at 12:30, and I head to church.  I remain at church until our older kids are done at sports practices sometime between 5 and 6, while Chad has the afternoon with Joshua and drives the 3:00 carpool.  This has been HUGE.  I can get an amazing amount of work done in the 4 hours I have in his office each week.  I am also able to ask all the questions I need to have answered during work hours, making our home a home rather than a business.

I come home on Thursdays totally wiped out.  And he has supper waiting.

So, a new normal is taking shape.  I am thankful.  Truly thankful.  I adore Chad bringing me a cup of coffee into the bathroom each morning, complete with my 2 ice cubes, so I can gulp it down quick.  I love sharing the household workload for the first time.

We also grieve the old normal.  We both loved it.   Trying to balance an increasingly busy job schedule with the needs of a family of 7 is difficult.  Last week nearly crushed me.  The days when I only see our littlest kids for an hour or less make me sad.  My heart often feels divided or compromised -  which is nothing new to working moms.  It is just new to me. In all honesty it is my prayer that someday, God willing, we will return to the old normal of me home 80% of the time.  However after purchasing Krissy's Prom dress today, I fully realize it will be a-w-h-i-l-e!

Sigh.

So until then, I am thankful that Chad has chosen to serve our family in new, different, and more specific ways. 

(One super funny story to share happened last week.  After 6 or 7 weeks of making breakfast every day, Chad was sick of cooking.  He came into the family room after I tucked the kids into bed and said, "I think I am turning into some sort of a family chef or butler or something.  I actually made an egg bake.  An egg bake?!  UGH!  Life has changed!"  We have both laughed and laughed about his egg bake.  For years, I have made egg bakes for mornings I know will be especially busy.  They are not Chad's favorite.  He never complained, but I knew he highly preferred when I cooked.  The fact that he sunk to the "low" of an egg bake signifies an all new Chad.)

I Heard It on Facebook!

Yet another first for me today.

While searching for just the right photo to use for a work project, I stumbled across this photo on Facebook!

So, is it "normal" to learn your daughter is officially going to the Prom through a Facebook post?  (For the record, I thought it was fairly humorous.  But if it was a engagement or baby announcement - in that order - I would be pretty sad!)

Now I am realizing more and more that I am becoming an "oldie."  The new expectation (at least in our area) is for guys to ask girls to Prom in creative ways.  When Krissy told me she had let her boyfriend know that she would only go to Prom with him if he asked her in a cool way, I thought it was hilarious.  She expected a more exciting invitation to the Prom that I expected in a marriage proposal.  Boy did Chad have it easy!

Today was the day Reshab,Krissy's boyfriend,  decided to go for it and ask her. (In truly "classy" fashion, he did message me to ask permission to take her to the Prom first.)

He also got permission from a teacher to go into her classroom and write "Kristiana Jean Dietrich Will YOU Go To PROM With ME?" carefully, in many colors, on the board.  Then he hid the words behind a pull-down map.

(I must interject two things here.  1. The boy is BRAVE.  No one calls Krissy her legal name.  No one.  She hates it.  Well, except when he says it.  2. The teacher who "helped" is one of my BFFs.  To me that was extra special because I used to care for her kids when they were tiny.  Now she is watching over my teen.  I love that.)

He also places cookies on the desks of every student.  Krissy's had some chocolate with it.  That was her clue that Reshab might be up to something.

Anyway, eventually, for teaching purposes the teacher needed to lift up the map.

As students noticed the message they began to clap and laugh.

Reshab walked over to ask Krissy if she would attend the Prom with him.

Krissy said yes.

The class clapped again.

They took some photos.

Which ended up on Facebook.

Which I stole.

Because although Krissy may not know it, someday she will be glad I wrote down this story!

Happy Valentine's Day all!

PS - My Valentine said yes today, too!  He said YES, he will go to Ethiopia with me in May!  I am so excited!  And for the record, I think Chad may have just as nervous to tell me he will go to Ethiopia with me as Reshab was to ask Krissy to Prom!  We are going to Ethiopia. . . together!  Big, happy sigh!

Just A Singin'

I spent this afternoon laying on the couch with a stomach ache.

 

Much to my delight, this handsome little guy decided to sing me songs.

 

He was sooo funny.  He makes up words as he goes along. 

 

 Some words are so sweet like, "I love my mom.  I love my dad.  I love my family."

 

Others are totally random, like "Johann Sebastian Bach."

 

Still others still sound like Amharic to me.

 

Truly.

 

I really wonder sometimes if a part of his brain remembers the language of his birth.

 

But when asked what he is saying, he just laughs.

 

At one point he brought me my good camera saying, "You better take some pictures.  This is a really good afternoon."

 

Enjoy my delightful son in action.

 

 

I'm so thankful for my sweet Joshua.

He even makes a nasty tummy ache feel like a vacation.

 

(His daddy is equally funny.  He commented to me today, "I tried to snuggle up next to you last night, but I bumped into a naked Ethiopian."  I have laughed at that wording all day.  Only Chad can turn the annoying experience of finding his naked son, who had peed in his own bed so decided to take over daddy's dry spot in "mommy's" bed into something hilarious.

Break our Hearts Once Again

On Christmas Eve, I left a house full of family to drive to the bank (official Creative Construction Business).  While driving home, I heard this song for the thousandth time.  And although I had heard it many times before, that time it made me cry.  Big.

Since then, each time I hear it my heart aches a bit more.

I finally emailed it to Chad and asked him to listen to it daily for a while.  Pray.  And let me know where he feels God is directing our family.  Maybe we need to work harder to care for "our" Jemo kids.  Maybe we need to serve in a new and deeper way at Freedom Fellowship.  Maybe we need to consider adopting again or fostering or. . .  Maybe I am just tired and emotional!

He called me the next day and said, "I listened to your song."

I love him.

So for now, this song is a part of our prayer.



Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

Chorus:
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

CHORUS

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these


Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these


Break our hearts once again, Lord.  In whatever direction You will.

I am both excited and terrified to see where this prayer leads.

Today

I am thankful for today.

Today I had the awesome opportunity to hang with my little nephew, Lincoln.

Today I had the opportunity to spend the afternoon being a baby rocking, pot roast making, cupcake baking momma (and Aunty!)

Today I got to see Joshua treasuring the roll of big kid.  He was good at it - helpful, nurturing, proud, loving, obedient, protective.

Take a look -

 

 

It was a sweet, precious day.

 

And as it comes to a close, I am humbly thankful.

 

You see, I have been talking to God a lot lately about how much I miss having the time to be the kind of mom I want to be.  I long to bake cookies, play toys, scrub floors, read books.  I long to be at home more, fully engaged and less rushed.  Working as much as I do is not my first choice.  Yet it seems the choice He desires.

 

I struggle with that.

 

I want to serve Him.

 

Or do I?

 

Do I really want to follow, be thankful, and live a life that points to His desires - not MINE?

 

No.

 

I don't.

 

My flesh hates it.  I want to throw a fit.  I want to do things MY way.

 

But I am called to follow His way.

 

And more than I desire to take control, throw a fit, and carve my own path - I WANT TO FOLLOW HIM.

 

That is so very hard sometimes.  Especially in the times that His way does not seem to make as much sense as my way.

 

This is the conversation I have been having with God lately.  I have been pouring out both my desire for my life - more time at home, less work, more kids  - that I can care for myself, more rest, more peace, less chaos and driving.  I have also been telling Him that I truly want my life to glorify Him in all things.  I will serve where He calls me.  I will work as unto Him, always.  I will choose thanks.  I will choose joy.  I will choose trust.  Even if that means I continue to serve as is forever.

 

(As I say all this know, I am far from miserable in life.  While I would like to be home more, in all honesty full time.  I am also so very thankful to serve at both of my jobs.  I know God has placed me in both jobs.  I am also thankful for both the financial provision and the flexibility that both jobs allow.  There are not many jobs in which I could bring my nephew to a staff meeting.  I am thankful!  Truly.)

 

The result of this conversation with God has been small gifts.  A nap AND the time/energy to make homemade cookies on Sunday, an afternoon of "mommying" today.  Small gifts, not a whole lifestyle change, but small gifts that fill my heart with joy and hope.

 

Thank you God for granting the desire of my heart.  Help me to have a heart that seeks and follows Your will ALWAYS.

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies

I used to be a "mommy momma."  The kind of mom that was always baking cookies and creating craft projects for my kids.  I had the house work, cooking, and laundry done before Chad got home each night - so evenings were spent hanging with the kids and my husband.

Sigh.

I miss those days!

Alas, Mommy going to work times two has altered our life - BIG!

We now celebrate things that were once the norm, like fresh-baked, made-from-scratch cookies!

Today I made a recipe we had all nearly forgotten, Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies!  (I am recording it here so that in the event my kids claim I never baked from scratch, I have evidence.)

2 eggs
1 c sugar
1 c brown sugar
1 c butter flavor Crisco
1.5 c peanut butter
1.5 tsp soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 c oatmeal
1.5 c flour
1 bag M&M's (optional)

Cream together sugars, shortening, peanut butter, and eggs.  Add dry ingredients.  Bake at 375* for 9 to 11 minutes.

This is what I miss most about being a cookie baking mommy momma - 

my kids hanging with me in the kitchen!

When cookies are baking and the kids are clowning in the kitchen this momma's heart is full.

I am thankful for a rare "mommy momma" moment today.

Learning to Break Some Rules

I grew up living in the country.

And one of my Daddy'srules  made me determined to NEVER live in the country as a grown-up.

"You can only drive to town ONE time each day."

It sounds like such a good rule, but it made me crazy.  If I wanted to go out with friends, I needed to find something to do in town until our activity began.  When Chad and I went on a date, I needed to get ready in the car, which I had equipped with a butane curling iron (HA!), or find a public restroom to use.  I hated it.

As we discussed moving into the country, flashbacks of high school days spent killing time in town was THE reason I did not want to move.  Chad kept reassuring me that there was not a law against driving to town more than once a day, and that "it" would not be so bad!

The first months we lived here, I followed my high school routine.  Unless I knew I would be home for more than 2 hours, I tried to find things to do in town between activities.  And just like in high school, I was longing to be HOME more.

In the last two weeks, I finally decided that I needed to just LIVE.  If I want to drive home, I drive home.  And I have discovered that I am much happier.  I have also had happier kids!  (Sitting in the car waiting for Jay to get done running is not exactly fun!)

The moral of my story, sometimes grown-ups have to learn to make their own rules.

My daddy's rule made sense to him.  It helped our family budget out a bunch.  It also made a high school driver think twice before burning up gas.  I can understand why it was important to him.

However, learning to break a rule that does not work with my current life style has been life changing to me!  It has made me think about other "rules" I hold onto for unknown reasons.  Many of those "rules" are good, but maybe there are more that I need to let go of in order to improve my own life?

Hmmm.

I better keep processing that thought!