When we left the lake yesterday we could not find Mataya's paci.
Mataya was a MAJOR fan of her paci.
MAJOR FAN!
During the school year we had an agreement, paci was for bedtime, church, and car rides. But her brother, Joshua, sneaks it to her ALL the time this summer. It had gotten totally out of control. Plus the pressure of keeping track of the sneaky little sucker (paci, not Joshua - although sneaky little sucker does explain him too, on occasion!) was just too much.
So, when she survived the drive home without her paci, I decided to bite the bullet and just be done with it. I hid the one I had left at home in her baby box stash, and we explained that paci was "all gone."
She played great all day.
As bedtime closed in she started searching under her crib for the missing paci. She would peak under, look at me and shrug and a grin and say "paci all gone," and continue playing.
When bedtime came around. . . she freaked out.
It was sad - but after finally falling asleep, she slept all night like usual.
She did well all day. Nap was a rougher than usual, but nothing terrible. And tonight she fell asleep without a peep!
Yay TayTay!!!
Between getting rid of her paci. . . which is in many ways the last trace of baby in our home. . . and talking seriously about college plans with Jamison my heart has been pensive all day. I am not a mom who will ever wish away time. I have so much fun with my big kids, but a part of my heart will always long for a baby to rock and snuggle. I am so excited for Jamison's senior year of high school. I have no doubt it will be an amazing year. I do not wish him younger; and yet, as I celebrate with him, I also mourn.
(For me)
The very hardest part of being a mom is the letting go.
The very best part is watching them soar.
I must let go in order for them to soar.
Sometimes they crash a few times. Sometimes they fall to the ground. Sometimes they are battered and bruised. Sometimes they fly hard and fast into a window - never seeing the danger until it is too late. Sometimes they jump too soon. Sometimes they need a push. Few moments are easy. Few moments are picture perfect.
BUT
In those moments when all things come together and I glimpse my children soar, my heart explodes.
Though it is hard, there is great joy in letting go.
(I think I will stencil that onto my bathroom mirror. I need to be reminded daily.)
