It boggles my mind to think that our fifth child, the son we are working toward adopting comes as our biggest surprise. Chad and I have spoken about adoption or being foster parents off and on through the years, but never in a serious way. It was more like maybe we'll do that someday. This summer we were the most content and settled we have ever been. I heard my husband say for the first time, "We are done having kids." Our hearts were satisfied and thankful for the family God has given us.
We received a letter near the end of the summer from friends who are planning to adopt 2 babies from Ethiopia. They were working on raising funds to bring the babies home. They had started a blog. I told Chad I wanted to look at it, do a little research, and then decide how much money to donate toward their cause. His response came with a grin, "You sure you should do that? Maybe you should just cut them a check?" I reassured him that my heart was totally satisfied. I was NOT looking for more children. I meant that. I looked over their blog and we discusses what a perfect fit this adoption was for THEIR needs, end of story.
A few weeks later I ran into my friend at church and commented that I thought their blog was very nice. "Did you watch the video?" she asked. So I went back to watch the video, and wept. It was beautiful. I showed it to my family and as I wiped my tears my sweet Sierra said, "Mom, it's OK. Maybe we need to go get one of those homely kids!" Then I laughed and cried at the same time as I explained that the kids were homeless not homely. (She is very well spoken and HATES this part of our story!)
This video is on the bottom of our friend's blog http://www.leapoflove.blogspot.com/ Hopefully I can learn how to add video but I am not that savvy yet.
Or view it direct on You Tube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duyL9UjLrdM&feature=fvw
Slowly God spoke to me through the information used on that video. I had no idea there were 143 million orphans in the world. The scriptures like John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." And Proverbs 24:12 "once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act." As these scriptures pierced my heart a very strong feeling that there was a three year old little boy in Ethiopia that needed our family would not leave me.
I started to tell Chad how I was feeling. His response came with the grin I love so much, "So, you want me to buy you a baby?!" I punched his arm and said out loud for the first time, "No, I think it is a three year old little boy that needs us." He suggested that we have another baby. I explained to him that it was not that I felt like I needed another child, instead I felt like there was a child that needed our family. Not just some child, but that God had a very specific little boy in mind for us, and we needed to go find him. Chad hugged me tight and told me to start finding out how that could happen.
I began to research like a crazy lady. To be honest, in some ways I was looking for the reason that this would not work. I realized that this was one of the riskiest ideas I had ever had. Not to mention the most expensive - and I tend to dream cheap! I was concerned about everything! Could we raise a child of another race? We hardly live in a multicultural area, how would that affect his self-esteem? What if he had health problems, learning problems? What id he didn't bond with us? God kept whispering, "You won't do it all right, but he will be safe with you." I spent hours reading blogs. One night I went to bed knowing it was a terrible idea. I had to drop it. I slept well for the first time in weeks. The next morning I woke up with the scripture, "Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God." running through my mind and a stronger than ever feeling that my search must continue pounding in my heart.
I began asking our kids what they would think of having a little brother who was African. Their initial response (with the exception of 6 yr old Brenna who wanted to know how Mommy could have a black baby) was that if I thought there was a little boy who needed our family I better find him.
I called an adoption agency and asked them a million questions. No red flags there. I asked for references and the mothers I emailed called me within hours. These women shared their stories, answered my questions, and listened to my worries. They had only wonderful things to say about the agency, their experience with the adoption process, and most importantly about their children from Ethiopia.
Only then did I worry about the financial aspect. So I called our CPA and asked some questions about a tax credit that is available for adopting families. This adoption will cost about $18,000 - ugh! But he let me know that the tax credit would apply to us and be very helpful in the way we file our taxes. The tax credit will "cover" about two-thirds of the expenses. The remaining funds will be challenging, but much less so than the whole $18,000.
I had about run out of excuses. Excuses sounds bad. Throughout this whole process my heart was very open to the child we would adopt. It was like God had somehow stretched my heart and created a space that was meant to be filled with this son. However, I was very fearful. What if this idea somehow harmed our family?
Driving home from school one night Sierra asked, "Mom, if we do adopt what will we name him?" I responded that I didn't know. Chad had named each of our kids. But I confessed that the name Joshua was on my heart as I thought of this little one. After a silly dinner where we all argued and laughed about possible names (we had been having a lot of serious conversations - it was time for silly!), Krissy was on the computer looking up what our names meant. As I was putting on my shoes to pick up Jamison from football practice I asked her to look up Joshua. She responded, "Mom, Joshua means Jehovah Saves." I knew then I was right. God wanted to use our family to save a little boy.
Over the following weekend we shared the news that we were going to start the process to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia with our parents and siblings. What a special family we have. There was no hesitation in their support.
On Tuesday, October 13 we received the news that International Adoption Network, the agency that we wanted to work with, had accepted our initial application. They were willing to work with us. I was so excited! When I got back to my office after lunch I got right on my email and printed out all the contracts and other paperwork that they needed me to fill out. Reading through the extensive paperwork I became so terrified I doubted I could continue. All the "what ifs" flooded over me and I felt deeply panicked. Who was I that God would speak to me this way? I was probably having some type of "my kids are all in school" crisis. What was I thinking? I put all the paperwork aside and went back to work. My stomach ache and worry persisted. So, I logged back onto the blog of the family whose video had initially moved me so much. I was honestly looking for evidence of their turmoil and regret now that their child had been home for a while. What I found was another video, that both broke my hard heart and opened it all at the same time. I believe it was the voice of God talking to me through a computer. I cried until my teeth chattered.
This video is posted Monday, October 12 on blog http://www.weloveourlucy.blogspot.com/ I will try to get it here soon.
The You Tube link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfJIgpPtbBc&feature=player_embedded
So I am done questioning that this is God's will for our family. I have a bit of a hard head and I still say often to God, "I believe, help my unbelief." I am very excited to welcome this son into our family. For now he is "Joshua", the little boy who Jehovah will save. Please pray for us as we continue this crazy journey. But more importantly pray for our Joshua. Pray for God's protection on his heart and health while he waits for us to come.
