It has been an emotional roller coaster of a week. It started with me feeling totally thrilled. I was absolutely thrilled to be a waiting mom. I had submitted all the paperwork that everyone needed, and for the moment all I had to do was wait. It was a delicious feeling.
Then some events took place that caused me to really think about the process of receiving a referral. I had not given it much thought, and once I began to think about it it was overwhelming. How would I know if the child they refer to me is "Joshua?" How could I discern God's will? What if there was more than one waiting child? Will I discuss the referred child with anyone other than Chad? When is it OK to share his picture? How much background information is appropriate to give curious people? I had pretty much stressed myself out, all of the sudden the idea of having to choose my son was too much!
This morning I was vacuuming at like 7:15 AM. (Now that is a sure sign of a stressed mom) My thoughts were racing about how unnatural this process seemed. It just felt so wrong to choose to accept a child. God suddenly broke through my thoughts and reminded me that he has chosen me. (Boy am I thankful!) Being chosen is a wonderful gift. What a beautiful reassurance.
I felt much more peaceful immediately, but of course my humanness was just starting to crack through when I got to my office. I absently flipped my scripture calendar to today's date and God reassured me once again with these words. "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
So I am back to basking in the glow of waiting. I have no idea what our referral process will be like, when it will happen, or how we will discern God's will. BUT I do know that if I call to Him, he will answer me and tell me the things I do not know. God is so good and so patient. I am so grateful.
**I do confess that I jump just a little every time my cell-phone rings. I was hoping it was not noticeable, but my sweet husband who knows me so well called me on it. It's OK, I love that he knows me so well.
