Joshua has been home for 2 weeks! They have been wonderful, but having Joshua Gebeyehu home has been different than I expected. Easier in some ways and more difficult in others.
I will start with the easiers:
- He liked all of us right away. Many times children accept one parent and reject the other. I am grateful that he "likes" us all.
- I adore this child. He has felt like a son to me instantly. This does not always happen, many times parents have to work hard and choose to bond with their children.
- Communication. Although there are times I think he would have an easier time if he fully understood my words, communication has been pretty easy. He is learning more English every day. Our current favorite word that he says is "glasses." He has a spectacular Amharic accent on that word.
- He is totally potty trained.
- He learns quickly. Although he tantrums sometimes when the answer is no, he rarely tantrums about the same thing twice.
- He does not get into my stuff, all my pretties are still out and safe.
- While going to sleep is a challenge, he is not up with night terrors so I am getting more sleep than I had hoped prior to travel.
Other things have been harder:
- I miss Chad. We are used to having a lot more time together.
- Bonding and Attachment. I read a lot about bonding and attachment before we had Joshua home, but watching and experiencing it through him is totally different than reading it. What he seems to really want is to be adored. He does not know what to do with me... on one hand he loves me. He wants me when he is scared, hungry, has to shinty. On the other hand, could I really be OK if I discipline him? I know all kids go through this, but it is totally different with JG. He wants to fall madly in love with me, he knows I adore him, but can I really love him when... I can not tell you how many hours he has spent screaming for Krissy. When mom says no and he is really mad or upset - he cries and cries for Krissy. Krissy is the one who he always feels good with, she never says no (she says "mom, help!"), and is always fun. (When she has had enough f her bro. she heads to her room!) His heart is so conflicted. It will take time for him to get that I am real. (Chad too, but to less of an extent because Chad is at work all day.) I understand more and more why experts say to keep sort of secluded during this period. What Joshua thinks he longs for are more Krissy's, when what he needs as a life skill is to trust mom and dad. The more sources of the "feel good adoration" the easier it is to resist us.
- How much attention this boy would need. I can not tell you how many times a day Joshua says, "Mama eye yo!" or " Ay Mama, Hi ya toot!" Both phrases are badly spelled Amharic for "Hey Mama, look at me!" He has an absolute NEED to be noticed and praised constantly. (This is truly fun, not really difficult - but I did underestimate his need.)
- How much alone time he would need. I can not tell you how many times I have had to tell his siblings to give him space and leave him alone. He does not miss being around a bunch of kids one bit! While he wants my and Chad's attention continually, he wants attention from his siblings sparingly. (I also think part of this is that he does not totally know what to do with their affection. He has been around lots of kids, but HIS kids have an intensity that is different. They want him to like him, to be happy, and that feels different.)
- TANTRUMS! Joshua is happy-go-lucky... most of the time. But the most unexpected things set him off sometimes. When "no" makes him mad THE ONLY thing to do is let him cry it out. Distracting him or trying to talk him through it only makes him madder. Some days he has 5 -7 tantrums, which last at least 20 minutes each.
- I have to remember to plan extra time for everything. I know it is a no-brainer, but I was in a groove! Now I have to remember that Joshua walks slower than I do, he might want to put on his own shoes, shinty breaks take time, etc...
- Watching him react to things traumatically and not know why or really how to help him. Not much to say about that, it hurts to see your child hurt.
- He can not understand exceptions to rules, so each thing we do and our expectations for him MUST be thought out in advance.
- His siblings think he is very cute, but they are surprised at how annoying he can be. I keep telling them I tried to warn them. They just giggle.
I do not tell you any of these things to complain. Really I post them mostly for waiting families. I think it is so nice to know how things really are for families. Perhaps by confessing what has been more difficult than I expected, they will better prepare and not be surprised. As we waited to bring our son home I did not find a lot of "in the trenches" reports on homecoming. I could find a lot of cute pictures, but you know there HAS to be more to it. So me and my big mouth will supply some honest reflections from the trenches. I am having an absolute blast watching this boy grow and learn. I am so thankful that God chose him to be our son. I have no doubts or regrets, just a few growing pains.
Now onto what you really want... cute pictures!
He liked the boat right away and was pretty accepting of a life jacket, but we had to bring him back to shore for another major tantrum when he refused to sit nice with mama on the boat. (That rule is a must as what we do most on the boat is pull the big kids on a tube - it would not be a bit safe for him to sit by himself.) He cried and cried, but finally stood up and said, "Daddy boat." I asked if he would sit nice with mama on daddy's boat, he said "ow (yes)". So we called Chad and the boat back and did not have another problem with Joshua sitting all weekend.
Here are a few pictures of our first family of 7 camping experience.
Brenna likes to tube, but she is not quite as "hard-core" as the older 3
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Here is the "hard-core" trio. Krissy especially loves to tube. She never volunteers to get off.
Look how nicely Joshua Gebeyehu is sitting with mama on daddy's boat!
Daddy escaped for a little fishing on Father's Day.
We have another water bug. Joshua watched the big kids swimming and wanted IN. It was cold, but he did not care. He was not going to be left out.
Don't be alarmed... we did not let him tube. But he did have great fun playing on the tube when it was safely anchored to shore. He was always in a life jacket and the tube never went out very deep, but he thought he was big stuff!
All that water play makes for a tired boy! He quickly learned that snuggled up on mama's lap, wrapped in a cool beach towel is a great place to take a nap. This one continued even after the boat stopped.
