In the report our social worker wrote after our one year post placement visit, she deemed Joshua "securely attached." When I read those words, I was not totally convinced they were true. To me "securely attached" meant I never felt the need to cautiously protect the growing bond between myself and my son. While 12 months post placement I was quite confident in Joshua's attachment, there were still moments in which attachment felt fragile.
I am so happy to say that now, nearly 15 months after I held our son for the first time, I am labeling Joshua Gebeyehu Chad "securely attached!" I can not think of one time in the last month that I have noticed anything insecure or fragile about our relationship. I can not think of a time when I chose to limit him in any way in order to protect his attachment to either Chad or myself. He feels solid, totally completely secure, totally home, totally ours.
I am so thankful! Especially since it is time for me to return to work... for real... in an office... without my boy. I would be lying if I told you I was not heartbroken. I am a stay-at-home mommy at heart. Being at home nesting is where I am happiest. However, finances dictate that it is time for me to return to work.
This does not come as a surprise. One of my biggest arguments with God as He was calling us to adopt was the FACT that I would have to send our child to day care. I have never sent a three year old to day care before, and I never planned to... before Joshua that is. As I argued with God about this (and a few other details), He continually reassured me that He had it under control.
In the end I was blessed to be with Joshua 100% of the time for 15 months. Much longer than I ever would have guessed. In those 15 months God has absolutely transformed my son. I am so, so, so thankful for each moment. I am so thankful that God allowed enough time for me to feel confident that my going back to work will be something JOshua can handle. And if Joshua can do it, so can I!
So pray for both of us as I interview day care providers. (maybe pray for them too as you know how picky I will be, LOL!) I trust with all that is within me that God chose a caregiver for my baby before He placed him in my arms. (Yep, those words made me cry... tears of relief and tears of grief!)
