By the grace of God, Joshua is chattering away while I type.
By the grace of God, he snuggled in a hot bath with his daddy this morning.
By the grace of God, he dug through his drawers full of clean clothes trying to decide what he wanted to wear this morning.
By the grace of God, we giggled over doughnuts for breakfast.
I am so thankful for God's grace.
As I think over the last 28 months, I am still overwhelmed by the mountains that God has moved to grow me into the person I am today. 28 months ago I was living in my own little world. I was busy caring for "my own." I did not feel like I was "called to missions." I was "busy enough" singing on the worship team, teaching Sunday School, and keeping up with my kids, our home, and our business. The word "orphan" had next to no meaning to me. After all, I did not know any orphans. (I talk about 28 months in this post because although we saw Joshua's face for the first time 24 months ago today, the 4 months leading up to his referral were very significant in shapingour hearts.)
That description makes me sound very self-centered and shallow. And although no one around me at the time would have described me using those words, it is how I feel about my "old self" today. However, ignorant or innocent would probably be a more fair description.
28 months ago, I did not know:
- that there are 147 Million orphans in the world
- that when Jesus said to care for orphans he was talking to all of us
- anything about Ethiopia
- anything about adoption
- anything about how trauma, malnutrition, and loss effect brain development
- anything about attachment and bonding
- how God could knit a child into my heart that had not grown in my belly
- how it felt to stand in a room full of orphans waiting for mommy's
- how it felt to hold and love a child that called me mommy, but did not know what a mommy was
- how much time it takes for wounds to heal
- how much capacity I had to love
- how much I have to offer
Once in a while I miss my innocence. I think I'd like to make a purchase without thinking about how much the money I am spending could impact the life of someone else. But in actuality, I am so thankful. I am grateful for each and everything I have learned because my life is so much richer and has so more meaningful now than it had 28 months ago. I know God so much more intimately. My heart is so much more joyful and grateful.
I can only hope that 28 months from now I will realize that God has continued to grow me, to teach me, to shape me. I hope to continue to lose my innocence as I seek Him in all things great and small.
I celebrate today the gift that Joshua Gebeyehu is in my life. I celebrate all he has accomplished and all the ways that he has grown. I celebrate all the ways that he has grown me.
To God be the glory, great things He has done.
