There is a story in the book of Mark, Chapter 5. You may remember it. In this story a large crowd is following Jesus. One woman who had suffered much reached out to touch Jesus' cloak because she knew that if she just touched His clothes she would be healed. And she was! (There is more to the story... take a moment and reread it.)
For the past months I have totally identified with that woman. I am not ill, and although there are some rough spots in life right now I do not feel like I have suffered much. OK so how do I identify with this woman then? For me it is the picture of her reaching out to touch Jesus. She knew that just reaching our would heal her!
God has been working like crazy in our lives in the past months. Yes, He is always working - but in the past months I have felt Him expecting more of us. Calling. Teaching. Guiding. I have felt like I will surely make it through if I just keep reaching out, keep hanging on to even the tiniest corner of his robe.
To be honest, I let go for a bit. When we went on vacation I decided I needed a break from everything. I packed a couple novels, some pretty clothes, my running shoes, and my pillow. I needed rest and a break from everything, the good and the bad. I decided my brain could not continue to process things at the rate I was expecting it to - so I turned it off.
Many of those decisions were fine. My brain and emotions did need a break. I did need rest. Where I failed was in inviting God along. I failed to let Him accompany me in my rest. I was going to take care of myself.
That worked pretty well on vacation. I really did not even realize what had happened. But when I got home things did not go quiet so well. The stress of 4 amazing kids needing there mom, regular household tasks, and a very stressful business about did me in. I had to think pretty carefully about why the circumstances of my life were so much more overwhelming than they were before I left. (By the way, I thought some of them were pretty overwhelming before the trip, after was WAY worse!)
Finally, it hit me. I had let go. I was not listening or seeking. I was trying to handle life by my own strength. I had no peace or comfort, even though I was surrounded by supportive family and friends. Duh! Reach out, Alicia. Hold on to the tiniest corner of His robe and you'll make it!
I can almost guarantee you that this week will be difficult. There are some things going on that are probably not going to go away over night. I do not know what the ultimate outcomes will be, but I am hanging on. I am anxious to have these circumstances behind us, curious to see how God will sort it all out, and trusting that HE has it all under control.
"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." Mark 5:34
This is kind of a strange verse for me to focus on this week. But it fits somehow. Faith heals fears, anxiety, and insecurities just as much as it heals illness. And doesn't peace free you from any suffering no matter the source?
Now I hesitate to publish this post. I cowardly hesitate to click the publish button, because of the testing that sometimes follows a proclamation of faith. I am holding on, but I am weary of the testing. Pray for me this week that I can be the daughter He wants me to be.
