I have been thinking this week that while I have gathered a lot of information about what our travel and homecoming will most likely be like I have not shared much of that information. I have skipped over it. I have been preparing for it. I am a realist to the core. My realism might sometimes come across as pessimistic, but I don't see myself that way. I tend to prepare for the worst while expecting the best.
Anyway I want to take a few paragraphs to prepare you for what Joshua G.'s arrival may look like. Adoption is not always as pretty as the gotcha day videos we all cry over. Remember the mere fact that Joshua G. needs us means that he has suffered loss. He has lived in at least three different locations in the past 3 months. He has to be confused, lonely, afraid, angry, etc... While I know I love him and will do everything I can to make him feel safe and loved - he does not. He may not be a bit happy to meet me. He may be terrified to drive away with me. He may cry for days. He may throw fits the whole way home on the incredibly long flights. Can you imagine how terrifying it would be to leave all that you know?
He most surely will be into absolutely everything when we get home. He will never have been exposed to most of the things in our home. He will have no idea what our family expectations are. He will not understand our language, so communication will be tricky too. He will probably have developed some survival skills like hitting or biting during his time at the care center.
He will more than likely be terrified of our sweet golden retriever. Children in Ethiopia are told that dogs will eat them! This, I am told, is important there where many dogs are rabid - but it will make for a tricky transition to our dog loving family.
The trip to Ethiopia is something that each person experiences in their own way as well. Some say it was the most wonderful experience of their life. Some people who have never had a panic attack begin having them while in country. Many, many families return sick. Not from "African" sickness usually, but with colds, flu, ear infections, etc... a combination of exhaustion and too many germs on a plane I suspect.
Some parents bond with their child instantly. Some take months to feel bonded, some take years. The same is true for children.
It is not uncommon for adopted children to wake up in the middle of the night for years with night terrors.
Post - adoption depression is not uncommon.
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This information sounds really, really terrifying and hopeless. Remember I just listed all the worst case scenarios. Also remember that I am referring to the relatively short period of time it will take us all to adjust. I am very aware of many of the possible pitfalls, but I feel no fear or anxiety as I type this. I know that adopting Joshua G. is the right thing for our family to do. That does not mean his transition into our family will be easy. Sure I am hoping and praying that Joshua G bonds instantly with us - that we adore each other from the first time he is placed in my arms (and here are storues that play out that way), but I will be OK if it is more difficult than that. I do not want you to be worried either -just be aware, prepared, yet expecting the best. Until he gets here, join me in praying that Joshua G. will join our household with ease!
