In the last six weeks we have:
- decided to sell our house
- decided that it was time for me to go back to work
- traded off my precious SUV for a mega momma mobile
- the kids started school
- I started a new job
- Joshua started day care
- Daddy started having less access to me and sharing more in day to day household/parenting stuff
So while there have been many changes, and they are changes that I have seen God's fingerprints ALL over, I am not sure where they are leading...
We want to downsize our mortgage, which most likely means a smaller house - but feel a bigger vehicle would be best for our family? Huh?! What?
We have our home for sale, but have absolutely NO idea where we will move if/when it sells? Sure we are pricing building, viewing properties as they come on the market, and considering an auction house that would need an unfathomable amount of work... We have lots of thoughts, lots of ideas, lots of possibilities - but no real plan. Even our realtor is a bit concerned! She asked me the other day what we will do if the house sells?! She reminded me that I do have 5 children to care for and a plan might be helpful =)!
I am working...about 35 hours a week... and I am a stay at home momma at heart. I have argued with God about all that and I just keep hearing Him tell me to trust and follow. So I am. And things are going surprisingly well. I am really enjoying my new job! Joshua is hanging in there with day care. Chad is really doing his best to keep Joshua's hours away from us to a minimum, which has given Joshua more "daddy time" than ever before. It is CRAZY BUSY and my floors desperately need to be scrubbed, but that is OK too.
We are all adapting really well, yet I wonder... why? Where is all this leading? How can I do all the things I want to do, all the things I feel called to do AND work AND build/remodel a house AND, AND, AND...
AND THEN I stop my crazy swirling thoughts,
AND REMIND myself that God tells me in Matthew 6:34
"Do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
AND I am LEARNING to be content in the moment. When I an overcome with worry, I miss out on so many beautiful moments. When my mind is full of worry, I do not hear the crickets chirping. I forget to savor Joshua snuggled under my chin as we rock before bedtime. I do not really listen to the stories my children tell me. Instead, I rush! I focus on tasks that MUST? be completed. I try to control the small details to somehow compensate for my lack of control in the BIG details. I become preoccupied with my own thoughts, quiet, distant. YUCK! That is not how I want to live!
By the grace of my ever patient God, I am learning to enjoy THIS moment. In THIS moment I am content, joyful even. I do not have many answers... I do not know where we will be living at Christmas, or when and how I will get back to Ethiopia, or if we will have more children, or how the floors will get scrubbed... yet He knows. He has it all figured out, every detail. So I do not have to freak out. I do not have to worry about tomorrow. I can enjoy today. I can appreciate the laughter of Jamison and Chad wrestling and laughing in the dining room. I can laugh deep in my belly as they chase each other around the table. Because THIS moment is pure beauty, a gift from The Father, and I do not want to miss it!
Thank you Father God for the gift of this moment. I trust you to take care of the details of tomorrow, tomorrow... You always do! Thanks soooo very much. I love you.
