It has been a long time since I have posted about Joshua's development. This is due in large part to him being "caught-up" in many, many areas.
While he was very delayed in most if not all areas 18 mo. ago, we now celebrate that his gross motor skills are in the normal range. I even joked this week that he is almost coordinated! That probably sounds really mean, but it is true. For a long time, Joshua could run and jump and climb and dance - but his motions were not fluid, they were forced. It took great concentration for him to climb steps, run across the room, or jump on his trampoline. Those motions are becoming fluid, graceful, and (dare-I-say?) coordinated?!!
His language skills have caught up as well. He struggles a bit with the "r" sound and some blends, but that is developmentally appropriate for a 4 year old. He no longer stutters, at all! It is amazing! I have no concerns about language.
Socially, he is "caught up" as well. He plays nicely with friends. He separates from me appropriately. He is quiet and cautious around strangers. He is loving, outgoing, and very verbal with people he knows and trusts. He knows mommy and daddy are the "ultimate rulers," yet he listens well to other adults who are in charge as well. He also transitions well between being "Grammy spoiled" and "Mommy parented!"
His fine motor skills and "knowledge" lag behind. I am not overly concerned about those delays, yet we are aware. Most of those delays are due to lack of experience. We have worked so hard on language acquisition, gross motor skills, and family bonding/social skills. He has "mastered" those, so now we will move onto more"school-type" skills. Right now he colors and writes like a child between 1.5 and 2 years old. He does not identify all the letters of the alphabet. He can cut with a scissors, but not well. Because I am quite certain these skills will develop rapidly with practice, I am not concerned. Our plan of attack includes beginning Montessori preschool this summer. I think it will be best for him to have a full year of preschool at Montessori, then a full year of Kindergarten there before he starts public Kindergarten at age 6. Our pediatrician it totally supportive of this plan. He told me he never recommends that kids start Kindergarten at 5 anymore. He feels that full-day school is not developmentally appropriate until children are 6. So, while I am aware that Joshua continues to have small motor delays, I feel like they will correct themselves in the same manner that his other delays have with time, love, experience, and practice.
It has been a long time since I have posted about family age versus chronological age. It is common for a child's behavior/needs to go along with his family age. His family age is the amount of time he has been in his family, which is often VERY different that a child's chronological age. It is HARD to remember that some behaviors may be appropriate for the child's unique development even though their body size/chronological age say those same behaviors are NOT OK. It is, however, very important to meet kids at their point of need! They need to go through different developmental stages even if we/society think they are "too old" to be acting a certain way. Skipping stages causes children to miss out on important lessons. While kids who come from "hard places" often go through developmental stages at an accelerated rate once they are in loving, nurturing, and safe homes, they still need to go through them.
Family age related issues can be tricky to spot and tricky to parent. For example, the first summer Joshua was home he would yell, call, or whisper "Momma's baby's crying. Hold you!" And I would run (seriously) to hold him, just like I would run to hold a screaming infant. This behavior was constant for a time. It drove the older kids crazy some days. But I understood that because I was not there to run to Joshua when he was an infant and comfort his cried, he needed me to be there now! He truly tested me (not that he even knew he was testing me) in those days. Every time that I dropped everything to hold my baby, his trust and attachment toward me grew. Eventually his call to be held diminished, and at the same time I was able to say "Just a minute baby. Mommy will be there as soon as I am done with ______" Even though he was 2.5 years old and used words instead of cries, he needed to go through that infant stage of development with me.
In Joshua's first 12 mo. in our family, we noticed many, many needs he had in relation to his family age. And then he suddenly felt caught up! I savored the next 6ish months - really, really savored and celebrated them!
In the last month or two, I have noticed that Joshua has been really struggling with transitions. When he is not ready to leave someplace fun (like church or Kristen's house) he will run from me, giggling as he goes. He laughs as I chase him and then tries to run away again. When I hold tight and carry him to the car, he will whine, cry, and kick. (Kind of like an 18 mo old. . . hmmmm . . .)
We have also noticed some tantrums. One day this week he decided I must stop and buy him root beer (his favorite treat) on the drive home for work/Kristen's house. I said maybe another day. When we got home he refused to leave the van. Then he threw a fairly major tantrum when I insisted he come in the house.
As we were discussing his naughtiness, I commented "This feels a bit like the terrible two's!" Light bulb moment there - Duh! These ARE Joshua's terrible two's! He did not have a chance to be "2" at 2. So he needs to resist arrest a bit, fight for his "freedom," and have boundaries lovingly, and patiently enforced NOW as a 2-year-old-in-our-family.
While typical-two-year-old tantrums are not cute in a 2-year-old (and even less charming in a 4-year-old) it helps me to parent them when I know and understand the developmental stage is appropriate and (unfortunately) needed to help him learn self-control, respect, and conflict-resolution skills. His behavior is "normal" for his family age. Choosing to parent him as is appropriate for that age will (hopefully) help him pass through this developmental stage quickly and successfully!
(That is the plan anyway!)
