So what does the foster-adopt process look like? I have been asked.
It is really, really different than International adoption!
The process begins the same, with a homestudy. Part of the homestudy is discerning characteristics you feel capable/comfortable parenting. That includes things like the number of children you could/would adopt, age span, race, gender, abilities/disabilities you could "handle", etc. . .
From then forward, it is very different than the type of International process we experienced with Joshua. In Joshua's adoption, we were confident that we were called to adopt a 3ish year old boy. We also felt very solid about an agency. When we started his process, they did not have a child within those parameters waiting - so we were placed on the agency's waiting list. We knew that when we finally received a referral it would include very little information. We were prepared to move forward fairly blindly.
The paperwork we received when we accepted Joshua's referral was scant. It included a photo, an extremely brief medical report, and a social report. The medical report basically told us his blood work was "clean." It left our many things - like the fact that he was not walking at age 2.5. (I am not criticizing our agency as I say this, just using it as an example of how limited the information you receive in International adoption can be.) It also included a "social" report. The social report only told us a bit about his birth family, where he was born and the names of his Ethiopian parents. We moved forward with FAITH, HOPE, great JOY and ANTICIPATION based on this tiny bit of information.
In the foster-adopt process (which we are currently exploring) it is a much different story. For one thing our parameters are different. We are "comfortable" with children age 8 and younger. (so younger than Brenna) We would consider siblings. Gender and race are of no importance.
Sadly, there are many, many, many children in the US foster system that fit those parameters. So we are spending time on websites like adopt us kids looking deep into the eyes of the photos of children and then reading their short bio trying to discern if we could/should/would be able to parent them. As I look, I pray that God would open the eyes of my heart, so that if there is a child He has chosen to join our family I will see him/her/them with His eyes (instead of mine).
When we find children we feel may fit into our family, we email our social worker. She then emails or phones the caseworker in charge of the children and inquires whether or not our family's homestudy could be considered.
So far we have had a couple of responses to those inquiries. The caseworker has either already found a family for the child, OR he/she forwards more information (a longer and more detailed bio) about the child making sure we would want to be considered once we have a better picture of what the child is like. On occasion our family does not "qualify" for a particular child. (Usually that is because the caseworker insists that the prospective child be the youngest in their adoptive home.)
Reading those reports has opened my eyes wider that I wish. OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh my heart! The things children (even these young ones under age 8) have suffered in horrifying. The behaviors that have resulted (and are overly documented) are completely understandable. Yet discerning what we are capable of parenting is very, very difficult.
One thing I want to say in BOLD here is that I do not believe these children have been more or less abused/traumatized/neglected/etc than children in third world countries. It is simply more documented in the US. In International adoption parents get to live in "la-la land" waiting for their sweet son or daughter to join their family. Once the child comes home, reality sets in, and you get to work helping your new child overcome past hurts. In foster-adopt "la-la land" is nonexistent.
I also do not believe that American orphans are more or less needy than third world ones. I do believe that pain is pain. Some have argued that third world adoption is "better/more important" because the children could die of disease/starvation/etc if not adopted. American orphans will absolutely be fed, but lonely is lonely, and unwanted is unwanted, no matter where you are born. And while American orphans are being fed, they are not being launched successfully into society once they age out of the system. Over 99% of the children who age out of the foster care system as orphans end up in prison. They may be physically saved, but their souls certainly seem lost to me.
I have also be cautioned that American orphans are much more risky. They are "bad to the bone." They are sure to bring only heartache to a home. Research does not support this assertion. Some children (adoptive or biological) have long-term difficulties. The place of their birth has nothing to do with their future success in a family.
(I will now step off my soapbox and move on.)
If/when we are comfortable with the longer bio, our homestudy is submitted. The child's case worker reads it and if she feels our family would be a good fit for the child, we are then allowed access to the full file. The full file is a full file! It contains very specific documentation about every aspect of the child's life. I am so thankful that my life has not been as well documented as the lives of these kids. I would be pretty ugly under the high power microscope too.
(One other difference is that no fees with foster adoption. We did choose to hire a private social worker to write our homestudy, but we could have used a state worker free of charge. In our case, we know our social worker will (and has) advocated for us and our future kids. She is also so capable of helping/counseling us once the child comes home that we felt the money was well extremely well spent.)
We would be able to meet the children pre-placement. Most likely there will not be multiple visits because the children we feel called to are fairly young, but in the case of older kids there would be multiple visits, maybe a weekend in the adoptive home, and the children would have some say in their future family.
It is not a fast process. Most workers are overwhelmed by their caseloads. Many delays happen in dealing with multiple states and various agencies.
For me, the biggest struggle comes in feeling frustrated and overwhelmed in deciding "what" we could parent. Every one of the children I have read about needs and deserves a family. Saying, "we can not do that" is really, really hard for me.
Yet in all honesty, so is saying "maybe?" I have had moments where I wonder if we really can do this. Can we really move forward with our eyes SO WIDE OPEN? Time will tell, I guess.
For now, we are seeking. We are praying. We are trusting. We are waiting.
I would be honored if you would join us in prayer.
