I was shopping for a baby gift for Chad's cousin today. The baby shower is a week away, but I had a few minutes to spare and what is more fun than baby stuff? So I printed off her registry and started searching the aisles, when I found it! Joshua's Blanket! It is somewhere between navy and royal blue, it is super soft, and it had silky trim around the whole edge. It reminds me a little of the baby blue blanket that Jamison named "Bluey" and drug everywhere until it fell apart. We spent a lot of hours looking for that blanket, but more importantly it brought Jamison a lot of comfort and joy.
I have spent every minute I can spare this week reading a book titled "Attaching In Adoption." It is the most psychological/clinical book I have read since I had child development and child psychology classes in college. It could be scaring me - there are a lot of potential difficulties in a three year old attaching to us and us to him. However, I am surprisingly peaceful. It feels good to know what some of the issues may be. I am a very black and white thinker and I am well aware that becoming a family will be a process. Having a resource to help us prepare encourages me. It is filled with examples of real hurts and trials, but it is also filled with hope and techniques to turn the trials into successes.
Reading this book has given me some places to start. It suggests lots of cuddling, touching, and holding. It suggests things like rocking and bottle feeding even an older child to fill an emotional need of being cared for that may never have been met. It stresses routine, structure, and stability along with lots and lots and lots of nurturing.
It explains that emotional "age" can be different than chronological age. Just because a child has mastered walking or talking does not mean his emotional maturity is at that same place.
It talks about grief. Joshua will grieve leaving the country of his birth. He will grieve the loss of his birthparents. He will grieve the loss of familiarity. (Duh!) BUT it is good to read it, to think about it, to prepare to help him through those feelings without feeling like we are doing something wrong. Of course it would be better if he could be with his birthparents in his home country. We all long for our parents to be who and what we need - but that is not always the reality.
Anyway, I am so thankful that I am longing to comfort Joshua as I read this book and not fearing it will be too hard... too much. It will most likely feel that way at times. How could it not? I know I have too hard... too much moments with my "homegrown four." But I trust God to give us enough love, knowledge, patience, time, and energy to deal with each trial as it comes.
So sweet boy, your family has open arms, a great rocking chair, and a soft cozy blanket waiting to hold you and comfort you - all in God's perfect time.
