Sunday was a beautiful 80+ degree day, so we took the boat out for a cruise after church. While preparing to expose our glowingly white skin to the sun for the first time this spring, I doused ALL my kids in sunscreen. Joshua had forgotten about sunscreen. He asked, "Why you put lotion on me?"
One of the kids quickly responded, "So you don't get a sunburn... um, Mom? Can Joshua get a sunburn?"
Joshua yelled, "No! Joshua no I like sunny burn! Joshua no havie one!"
And thus began another opportunity to talk about skin color!
I explained that Joshua's dark brown skin will not turn red and sore from the sun like the rest of our family's skin will, but that it is still important to protect his skin from skin cancer.
Krissy, who is most interested in a tan, told Joshua over and over how lucky he is to have such pretty skin that will not burn!He was proud, but he was also totally confused! In typical Joshua fashion, he asked lots of questions! Why Krissy skin get red and sore from the sun? Why Joshua no havie whitie skin? Why sunny burn hurt? Joshua, I love it mommy whitie skin. Mommy, I love it Joshua brown tummy? Joshua needie sunscreen on my hand. My hand not very brown. Joshua no I want my hand sunny burn!
A few days later we were reading a book before bedtime. It was the story of Jesus' birth. The wise men were drawn as dark skinned men with beards. Joshua pointed to them and asked, "Why they all dirty?" I responded that they were not dirty, but they had brown skin. Joshua gave me a HUGE grin and replied, "They lucky like me! No get a sunny burn!"
I appreciate these "starter" conversations about race. I am glad for his preschool sensibility! I do not look forward to the harder ones.
Some claim that race does not matter. I disagree. While the color of your skin has nothing to do with your intelligence, abilities, or worth - it is central to how one sees them self and how others see you. After all, it is the first thing you notice about someone. And like it or not, there are still a lot of unfair and untrue preconceptions that come with race. Those preconceptions are not something I have ever experienced first hand. I have no idea what it feels like to be the minority in the room. Living in the upper midwest, I have never been the minority... not once.
I DO get concerned about how to prepare our son to be a black man. Right now when we enter a room all eyes go to him, and they are loving! He is so cute, and as (usually) the only black child in the room he is quickly noticed... in a very positive way! I wonder if this will always be the case? As he grows will people become less enthralled and more suspicious? (Some of you gasp and say that does not happen any more... but are you sure? Are you equally comfortable when followed into a dark parking lot by a black teenager, a white one, and/or a Native American teen? I think if many of us are honest, we may be more guarded with some than others.)
Racial prejudices do exist, and I want to prepare him for whatever may come! I never want to ignore his differences, instead I want to help him see how wonderfully he was made. I want him to be proud of who he is. I want him to be secure and confident.
I have the exact same dreams for Joshua Gubs as I have for my older kids. I do not mean to say that because he is Ethiopian he will have self-esteem troubles. That is not my belief at all - each of us have things about us that are "different." These "differences" can easily create self-esteem hurdles. I clearly remember jumping a few! But I am also sure that the "taboo" topic of race will need to be discussed, freely, openly, and often in our home. I pray for much wisdom (and a sense of humor... some things just need to be laughed at!) in these discussions. I also pray for an African American man to enter our son's life to love him and mentor him in the moments his glowingly white parents just don't get it.
