I have not been a fun person to be around this weekend. I have not been positive or energetic or giving. I have not have had a servant's heart. I have not been filled with grace and love. I have been CRANKY! (If my husband reads this he will be shouting "amen!")
Ever just been out of gas?
I am just wiped out.
At this stage in parenting there is never a break. When the kids were younger, they were all in bed early so I had an hour or two to myself after they went to bed. Then, we had a short phase of kids actually sleeping in on the weekends! I could either enjoy some extra rest OR get up and work out before they crawled out of bed. Now, Joshua wakes me up in the morning, and Krissy and Jamison are still awake and willing to chat late into the night. There is always someone talking to me... more often two or three persons.
There is also more work to do than I will ever get done. The laundry basket is always full. Someone always needs a snack. There are always dishes to do. The floors... yuck!!! One of my fantasies is to be in my house and have it be clean and quiet. I am sitting on my couch reading a book and sipping a glass of wine because everything else is done.
There is always someplace we are supposed to be. Between basketball, youth group, volleyball, piano, school drop-off, school pick-up, playdates, volunteer work, and household errands I truly feel like all I do is drive and cook.
I feel like I have lost me in the chaos. I have not worked out in 3 weeks, which in and of itself is enough to make me cranky! I truly do not know when I could fit it in? I have all these thoughts and ideas flowing through my brain and no time to share them. I do not want be a mom who has nothing to talk about other than her kids, to discover when they all leave that I have no idea who I am without them.
This weekend, I confess, I have wallowed in the crankiness. I have pulled my snout out of the slop once or twice and attempted to recognize the beauty around me - but just as quickly allowed myself to sink back into the mud. It is time to pull myself out of the muck.
So what does God want from me? How does He expect me to spend my days?
Hymn to a Good Wife
10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
Ever just been out of gas?
I am just wiped out.
At this stage in parenting there is never a break. When the kids were younger, they were all in bed early so I had an hour or two to myself after they went to bed. Then, we had a short phase of kids actually sleeping in on the weekends! I could either enjoy some extra rest OR get up and work out before they crawled out of bed. Now, Joshua wakes me up in the morning, and Krissy and Jamison are still awake and willing to chat late into the night. There is always someone talking to me... more often two or three persons.
There is also more work to do than I will ever get done. The laundry basket is always full. Someone always needs a snack. There are always dishes to do. The floors... yuck!!! One of my fantasies is to be in my house and have it be clean and quiet. I am sitting on my couch reading a book and sipping a glass of wine because everything else is done.
There is always someplace we are supposed to be. Between basketball, youth group, volleyball, piano, school drop-off, school pick-up, playdates, volunteer work, and household errands I truly feel like all I do is drive and cook.
I feel like I have lost me in the chaos. I have not worked out in 3 weeks, which in and of itself is enough to make me cranky! I truly do not know when I could fit it in? I have all these thoughts and ideas flowing through my brain and no time to share them. I do not want be a mom who has nothing to talk about other than her kids, to discover when they all leave that I have no idea who I am without them.
This weekend, I confess, I have wallowed in the crankiness. I have pulled my snout out of the slop once or twice and attempted to recognize the beauty around me - but just as quickly allowed myself to sink back into the mud. It is time to pull myself out of the muck.
So what does God want from me? How does He expect me to spend my days?
Hymn to a Good Wife
10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
Proverbs 31:10-31
The Message
The Proverbs 31 woman looks absolutely NOTHING like I did this weekend. To be honest, I knew that. I avoided thinking about who God wants me to be and how He wants me to act all weekend. I just wanted to wallow. But wallowing and avoiding God's call only made me miserable (not to mention my family.) Following the Lord is hard, just reading about a Godly woman makes me tired and a bit overwhelmed. However, allowing satan to take over (which is really what I did in totally ignoring who God would have me be) is unbearable, totally hopeless, and lacking all joy and peace.
My life is very full. It is full of activity and noise and work. It is also full of love and joy and laughter. While I do need to work on balance a bit, on carving out some time for me, on ignoring the work and enjoying the chaos - I also fully realize that my life is so good. I am blessed and the biggest desire of my heart is to be a blessing.
So, that means I have to ask my God and my family for forgiveness. I need to ask God continue to shape me - to fill me with more of Him and less of me.
"Do not be shaped by this world. Instead be
changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you
will be able to decide what God wants for you.
And you will be able to know what is good and
pleasing to God and what is perfect."
Romans 12:2
I am a work in progress.
