I believe that children need and deserve to THRIVE not just simply survive.
After 6 weeks in his first day care, it was evident that Joshua was not thriving. While he was doing OK at drop off... he knew what was expected and behaved as I and the provider asked. He was not eating or drinking while there. He was not attaching to her (or she to him). He was lethargic when I picked him up each day. His speech was increasingly difficult to understand, by the end of each day care day he was stuttering terribly. As the weeks went by he was sleeping more and more poorly at home, and I was seeing some "survival" behaviors come back into play.
I was honestly not sure what to do. I was not sure if he was struggling because being separated from me was something he was not yet capable of, or if he was just NOT in the right place for him.
Then God gave me a huge clue. Joshua had been attending our church's midweek kids program for about 4 weeks. He was familiar with one of the teachers but not the other. The first week, I went down with him, stayed for a bit, and then left. He did great and had FUN! By the fourth week, he raced off with his teachers and went to his room without a backward glance to me. He participated in class. He ate a snack... and it was something he had never tried before! He went potty and allowed the teacher to help him button his pants. He ran by me after class, told me a quick and happy story, gave me a hug, and then sprinted off to play with his friends. When it was time to leave, I asked if he would like to say good-bye to his teachers. He went to hug first Sharlene, who he has known forever, and then he found and hugged Lorie, who he has known for 4 weeks. His behavior was all totally, completely typical. It was exactly what I would expect from any child his age. So, I knew he could do it. He could be away from me and THRIVE.
I knew at that moment that I would not bring him back to day care #1.
But what would we do?!?
Try not to freak out... and pray.
I set up tours at several preschool/day care centers. There is one I really liked, but they really did not have the right spot for our/Joshua's needs. I was tempted to make it work... really, really tempted. But I forced myself to wait. I had a screening set up with becep, a couple more facilities to tour, and an overwhelming (although unwanted) sense that I needed to wait on God.
Then a facebook post led me to find out that one of my very best friends was considering doing some child care. Joy and relief do not even begin to explain what I was feeling in that moment. If Joshua did not do well at Kristen's house, I would know that he was simply incapable of being away from me while I worked. He knew Kristen, trusted Kristen, and liked Kristen. More importantly, I knew, loved, and trusted Kristen. Most importantly she already knew and understood Joshua (past and present) better than almost anyone outside of Chad and myself.
When I hung up the phone and told Joshua he was going to go to Kristen's house the following Monday while mommy went to work, he belly laughed. For real! He laughed and laughed with total relief and glee. Then he said, "I will eat at Kristen's house! Kristen's food is really, really yummy! I love it Kristen's house!"
Monday morning he was a little worried. He did think maybe he should pack a sandwich, but I reassured him. And he relented. When I dropped him off, he was so happy, totally excited to play and explore.
However, for me the highlight of my entire day (my entire week, really!) was picking him up. When I arrived he was so happy! He had all kinds of enthusiasm and energy! He had lots to share with me, including the fact that he had eaten a HUGE lunch! And his speech... it was absolutely the same as if he had been with me all day! He was so comfortable at Kristen's house that he even took a nap one day!
The entire week was filled with happiness AND sweet Kristen even sent me some super cute pictures of my happy boy via text during the day! Here is the "evidence" that our little man was absolutely thriving last week:
Seeing him so happy and so loved made my week!
Gratitude would be an understatement!
As is Joshua's week was not wonderful enough, on Thursday he had his first ever "Grammy day!"
Grammy was off work, and she and Joshua spent the day together!
He was SO excited! Maybe too excited... as he was up well before 6 wishing it was time to leave for Grammy's house! I was totally spoiled with pictures this week! Here are a few Grammy sent me of her day with Joshua:
Joshua's favorite part of the day was driving this "car" and
snuggling Grammy's "puppies!"
(Never thought I would see that day! Even Joshua laughs now about how scared he once was of dogs!)
The final bit of encouragement I received this was week was through a screening at our local becep. I had asked them to observe Joshua and listen to his speech. I know very little about speech path. and wanted to see if his stuttering was something we should have expert help with or not. I am also aware that his small motor skills are still 9 -12 mo. delayed. I have not been concerned about the small motor delays. I felt confident that they are not based in any sort of disability. They are simply the result of inexperience. Yet with the speed that kids are expected to grow up these days, I thought I better visit with early childhood experts and make sure they agreed with my momma expertise.
It was a very encouraging meeting. They totally agreed with my fine motor assessment and wanted to steer clear of any special therapy or an IEP of any kind before we gave Joshua time to cut, color, paint, sort, glue, etc on his own. So we will have a rich "curriculum" at home, and we all expect that he will gain as much ground in his small motor skills as he has in his large motor.
As far as speech goes, they recommended time and patience in this area as well. They suggested that we as a family make an effort to slow our speech down. They have noted that some children begin stuttering because they are forcing themselves to speak as rapidly as the rest of the family (If my dad still reads my blog, he will be laughing here. I have certainly been accused of rapid speech before.) Sometimes kids begin stuttering because they are trying to slip in and speak before a sibling gets his/her chance (also another big possibility.) As long as there are not secondary characteristics along with the stuttering and it does not cause him to be frustrated, they said we should just wait it out a while. We were also instructed not to imitate his stuttering, make fun of it, speak for him, or rush his speech. (This much we were already doing, but reinforcement is always helpful.)
As this week ended, I felt like we were finally headed in the right direction again!
I am so, so, soooooo thankful.
