I had the extreme pleasure of going to a concert last night. It was a good brain break, or at least it was meant to be.
The final singer of the night was Sara Groves. She made the following statement (my paraphrase), "During the Holidays all our feelings are magnified. If we are joyful, we are REALLY joyful. If we have lost someone, our GRIEF is that much more painful. If we are lonely, our LONELINESS is all-consuming."
I think she is so correct.
I am very consumed with "why's" these last weeks. I am overwhelmed by how unfair life can be. Why have I been so richly blessed? Why do I have enough to feed my children, when others are hungry? Why do I have health, when others suffer with sickness? Why have I been blessed with 5 children when others are barren? Why do I have such an amazing husband when others are married to abusers or adulterers?
Some may argue that I am blessed because I chose well, made good decisions, worked hard. . .
Others would say, I am blessed because I am an American. . .
Still others would laugh that I would even question my blessings. . .
I know that I will never have those answers. Life is just not fair. We live in a fallen world, etc... etc... cliche after true cliche. Yet these last days I wrestle for the answers. I know I am no more undeserving than another. If I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted? Is God really good all the time? If He is then why. . .
It is a serpentine of thoughts that has no beginning and no end, so I must choose to STOP it.
I must CHOOSE to trust that God is in control. That He has a plan. That He will never leave me (or you) or forsake me.
I must choose to trust. I do choose to trust. I do choose to follow.
If you are dealing with magnified emotions this Holiday season, please let me know I would be happy to pray for you. Perhaps we can hold up each others hands through the MOST joyful, grief-filled, lonely, exciting, beautiful, busy, messy time of year.
If I lost it all, I pray my hands would stay lifted. Praying that yours would too.
