There are many books and seminars that can teach you (in a much more educated and articulate way than I will be able to describe) how to determine if what you are thinking and feeling is actually of God. I am most certainly not an expert! But because I learn best through examples people are willing to share with me about circumstances in their own life, I will share with you how I decided that the feelings I was having about finding Joshua were indeed the voice of God.
- I could NOT get the idea that we had a son waiting for us in Ethiopia out of my mind! It would just NOT GO AWAY! Not only was it front and central in my thoughts, my heart was broken. I was an absolute wreck as I felt my heart say" GO!" and my head say,"wait a minute... have you considered_____."
- Everywhere I turned God's heart for adoption was being spoken about (and it was not November... Adoption month). One day I turned on our local Christian radio station and they were interviewing Tony Dungee. Tony Dungee is the former Indianapolis Colt's head football coach. Jamison loves the Colt's and I was excited to tell him all about what Mr. Dungee had to say. Guess what he was talking about??? His heart for adoption and the children he and his wife had welcomed into their family. When I say I could not get away, I could not! It almost became funny.
- As I attempted to research and figure out logically if this idea were even possible, all my preconceived roadblocks were quickly and fairly easily knocked down.
- When I was doubting most God would answer with beautiful little signs. Like finding out Joshua, the name I kept calling out Ethiopian son in my heart, means Jehovah Saves. Waking with Bible verses stirring on my mind. Crying out to God that I do not think I could really have been hearing him and finding the video "Why Wouldn't I?" minutes later. Coincidences? I do not believe so.
- I had an absolutely unnatural ability to read and comprehend information about adoption. Seriously, I was getting through several books a week, plus on-line research. I love to read, but ordinarily if I would have tried to read that much my comprehension would have not been good. I was able to catalog it with ease.
- Chad and the kids were totally on board.
That last on is really, really important! I do not believe that God gives a calling for just one member of a marriage. While some callings may directly effect only one partner - say, I decide to volunteer at church - the other is always effected in some way by a loss of time, money, attention, whatever. If your spouse is not with you, I would slow down!
In our case if I had "twisted Chad's arm" to agree to Joshua's adoption it would have been BAD! If Chad had not been as called to be Joshua's dad as I was to be his momma the last months would have been horrible. Bringing Joshua home has changed every routine we had. We have a completely new normal, which includes an occasional bed partner. We have absolutely needed the support of each other.
Do NOT convince your spouse that God wants you to do something! Pray, share your heart with him, ask him to pray about it, but let the convincing come from God. It may take your spouse a bit to catch your vision, but God has it all planned out. He is choosing the timing. Trust HIM to break your spouses heart.
Until we received Joshua's beautiful picture I continued to doubt from time to time. I think doubting is going to happen. After all if God is calling you to do something the enemy is going to fight it! Discernment is hard.
I still have no idea why God chose us? I do not know how my heart was so completely connect with my Joshua. How did it even happen? Was someone near Joshua Gebeyehu begging God to find him a family? I had hoped to gain some answers while in Ethiopia, but that did not happen. So, I still wonder how, how, how? Only God knows!
If you want to read more stories of people hearing God's voice check this out. These stories are about adoption, but if you KNOW you are not called to adopt, read them anyway! The subject does not really matter, hearing and discerning God's voice does.
And if you are scared or doubting, sometimes YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT ANYWAY! That is what faith and trust are all about.
He has a plan for each of us. He is speaking to us daily. Hearing how he speaks to other people will help you realize when He is speaking to you.
