We have all heard of "time-outs" and most of have used them as a way to correct our kids' behavior. The basic idea in a time-out is to remove your child from activity for a while, giving him/her a chance to settle down his mind and body. They are a reaction to inappropriate behavior.
BUT... do you ever think about WHY your child is choosing to misbehave? Many times it is because we are not paying enough attention to them. I have certainly been guilty of this! "Just a minute... Mommy is on the phone/folding the laundry/making supper/cleaning something/etc/etc" I am also guilty of this when I drag my toddler from one boring errand to another, expecting him to sit in the cart, sit in his carseat, sit on my hip or hold my hand all morning long. I think many times we as parents sort of ask our kids to misbehave. When they finally say "NO!" with their behavior, we tend to drop everything and pay very close attention to them!
OK so a TIME-IN is taking some time to interact with your child in a way that he LOVES, just because he LOVES it. For example, I might stop folding clothes right in the middle of a laundry basket, to play "get you, get you" with Joshua. I might pull into a park in the middle of my errands and play with (not talk on my cell phone) my son. I might stop in the middle of cleaning up dinner and read him a story.
A time-in is also doing something routine like getting dressed with intentional focus. Talking to your child, singing a song, etc... while you are getting him dressed rather than just quickly shoving his arms and legs into the right holes in his clothes.
The cool thing about time-ins is that they give a child what he wants and needs so that he does not need to misbehave to get it. It sort of "builds points." You know like when your husband calls to tell you he loves you in the middle of the day or sends flowers just because. Those kind, fun, surprising acts make you a little more understanding the next time he forgets to call and tell you he will be home an hour later than normal. Time-ins work just like that with kids. Typically, the more time and attention you give a child (without allowing them to be overindulgent and expect to be treated as the only thing of importance), the more cooperation he will give you in return.
They are also fun. And let's face it, few of us have enough fun!
The other thing I love about time-ins is that although I first read about them in a toddler parenting book, they really will be beneficial in the relationships I have with each of my kids... even my 14 year old. We all love to have someone pay attention to us. We love to have someone STOP what they are doing to invest in our interests. And when we feel loved and appreciated we have a much easier time going along with what someone else wants.
Right?
**The book I first read about "time-ins" is The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D. The concept of intentionally spending time with my kids is something I have always believed in. I so love that Dr. Karp gave it a name. Having a name just makes it all the more important, official, and worthwhile!
